Break the Law
by Cocoalata
Summary: 'We all know that laws are important and have to be respected. But sometimes sticking to them might be more of a sin than breaking them...' Z/C; rated a rather high T for twincest; attempt to improve the average twincest-story level. Dramance
1. Chapter 1

Hey!

This is the first longer story I published here, but I have written some before.

I know that twincest is a quite much-used topic for fanfictions. I never really liked it, but I read some stories which I thought were improvable and I wanted to give it a shot and try to do it better.

This story is going to be a little bit like life: Happy, sad, romance, drama, dark!writing, fluff. Don't say I didn't warn you.

So here comes my one and probably only twincest story. Enjoy! And if you don't:

I don't ask anyone to review, but if you do, I do ask you to be honest with me. If you didn't like it because it was twincest, don't bother to review. But if you didn't like it because of my writing style, please tell me. I want to get better, after all. And I can take criticism ^^

***************************Introducing the reader 1 – ZPOV**********************

I was woken by the piercing sound of Cody's alarm clock. Irritated, I rolled myself to the other side, pulling the pillow over my head and nuzzling my face into the mattress. I didn't want to get up. I had better things to do than going to school right now!

I'd had this most beautiful dream… We were on a stupid boat trip, and… Crap, I had already lost it. That's the way it is with dreams. They have this annoying tendency to be nothing but smoke when you wake up to face evil reality. See why I like sleeping better?

Somebody grabbed my blanket and pulled it off of me. With a silent 'hmph'-sound I shoved the pillow away and dragged myself out of bed. Cody was already in the bathroom, so I had a few minutes to myself.

I hurried with getting dressed. My body hygiene was limited to using deodorant; I showered in the evening. Everything else would have been… risky. I was just done with combing my hair and putting some gel into it when my twin brother left the bathroom.

I was immediately glad that I had made it out of bed. "Hey, bro" I said the very moment he said "Good morning!" We smiled at each other briefly before grabbing our bags and leaving the room.

"Morning, guys!" Mom shouted in our vague direction; she was too busy with something on the table to look at us. "Morning, Mom!" We answered before sitting down. Even Cody had given up on helping Mom in the morning years ago – she was too far gone for any help.

Sometimes we got lucky and she was actually able to serve us something that deserved the name 'food'. We got lucky today.

"These pancakes are delicious!" Cody commended. He couldn't seem to hide his astonishment completely. I nodded enthusiastically.

Mom kissed the top of his head, hugging him from behind. "Thanks, Cody!"

"Where d'ya buy 'em?" I asked between two bites. Cody threw me a look that was probably meant to frighten me. It looked very adorable on him.

The smile halfway dropped from her face. "Supermarket", she said a little guiltily and took one herself, eating it with her hands. She never sat down with us for breakfast. I guessed it made her feel like she was saving time.

"Well… You're a great buyer, Mom!" Cody said.

She laughed. "A mother's got to be good at something…"

"You're good at many things!" Cody argued. "I mean, you're good at singing, dancing, running a household…"

"Yeah," I agreed, "Just not cooking." Cody gave me another very dark look.

"… oh, I almost forgot that. Congratulations, mom, you mastered the ultimate challenge: You raised Zack!" He ended. I tried to look offended but had to punch myself to keep from chuckling. I hit my leg just the slightest bit too hard and cried out in pain.

"Naw," Mom answered, thoughtfully shaking her head. "I think I've still got a lot of work to do there…"

*****************************Introducing the reader 2 – CPOV******************************

I was no morning guy.

I mean, of course I was okay with the morning. I didn't have problems dragging myself out of bed like my twin brother. My brain worked at mornings just the way it did all day. I didn't have such a thing as a 'No-social-contact-time'; most people are simply insufferable before 8 o'clock.

But in the morning, I always felt… flabby inside. My reaction time was longer, my mind was a bit sleepy and it seemed like my body had to relearn how to move correctly. The only thing to wake me from that _condition _was fresh air.

That was one reason why I didn't like the school bus, but not the only one.

It was crowded and sticky and dirty. You could nearly watch as the bacteria jumped from skin to pad to skin. Everybody shouted at each other (I did mention the 'No-social-contact-time', didn't I?) and you couldn't talk to anyone if you didn't want to be the one being shouted at. Hating fights, I avoided any morning conversation.

I was very glad when the first lesson began, Latin. We translated a text from the "Bello Gallico" and learnt a new possibility of utilization for the Participle Future Active. (Well, I already knew it, but it was interesting to have it presented by a teacher instead of a library book.)

The time rushed by and before I knew it, it was lunchtime and I was sitting at a table with Liv, Tyler, Barbara and Fred. Unfortunately, I happened to sit between Liv and Tyler.

Their mother is a fan of Liv Tyler and when she was told she was having twins, she named them after the actress. They are very intelligent, but can be really annoying, too. They talk a lot. Okay, 'talk' is a bit understated. In fact, they chatter. That day, they were exchanging mottos.

"Hey, do you want to know what my motto is?" Nobody answered because Liv never waits for an answer anyway. "It's 'Blondes may be pretty, but brunettes are smart!'" She threw a poisonous look at Jessica, a blonde at the neighbor table who was surrounded by a crowd of boys.

"I don't know…" Fred muttered, nodding towards Jessica's brunette friend who looked like she had tons of make-up in her face and milligrams of brain behind it. While we were looking, she made an adventurous move in her dangerous-looking high heels and fell right into a plate of Lasagna.

"Oh, no," Barbara said with a very, very sad face, "The make-up! It must have taken her _hours_!"

"My motto is better," Tyler told his twin sister. "'Know nothing – get nothing, Have nothing – lose nothing!" Tyler said such things from time to time. Nobody really understood them, but he didn't care. Neither did anyone else.

"What does _that _mean?" Liv asked. Correction: Anyone but her. We others rolled our eyes. "It means that when you know nothing, you achieve nothing, but if you just have nothing…"

"Know what my motto is? '_Chattering nonsense is an unambiguous sign of lacking intelligence!_'" Barbara told the twins harshly and caused them to shut their mouths immediately. Everyone listens to Barbara. That's pretty much of a law among our 'clique'.

***************************** Introducing the reader 3 – ZPOV*******************************

"Gimme that…"

With a curse, Bob landed on the floor. Ian laughed and held up a picture. From the few glimpses I caught of it I could tell the blonde babe it showed was quite hot. A few months earlier…

"What's her name, Bob? Won't you even tell us your girlfriend's name?"

"She's not…" Bob's face was as red as a tomato by now.

"She's not his girlfriend," Jake grinned. "She's the waitress in the cocktail bar down his street. She's called Vivian." Bob hit Jake's leg angrily, then he made a strange sound and shook his hand in the air, muttering something like 'That leg's hard…'

"Secrets, Bob?" I said with a huge grin on my face. "How come I don't know her yet, huh?"

Ian helped Bob, his head still alarmingly red, to get back on his feet. He moved the picture back and forth a few times before shoving it back into Bob's pocket. "He was afraid you'd steal her, weren't ya?" he chuckled, patting both mine and Bob's shoulder.

My grin got even bigger. "If she's half as hot as she looks in that pic… I guess that could happen, yeah… Anyway, decent catch, dude!" It was a lie. It was _ridiculous_. I hadn't even looked at a girl in _forever_, yet 'stolen' one! Plus, I couldn't remember ever having dated a friend's girl! (Alright, Cody doesn't count.)

Bob blushed again. "Vivian's not my girlfriend…" He muttered. "Yet!" Jake said confidently. "You'll get her around. You always do." Ian and I made sounds that could be interpreted as agreeing. It was funny how Bob always got the girl he wanted – _he_ didn't look hot at all, and I was quite sure I could still judge that.

"She has a boyfriend," Bob argued. "You guys should see him. He's … _big_!" He grimaced and made a strange move with his hands. "Honestly, if I were her, I'd be afraid he'd squeeze me to death by just hugging me!" We laughed, and after a brief minute, Bob laughed, too.

The bell rang, and slowly we made our way to the gym, still joking and teasing. For a moment, I wondered what we looked like to other people.

It was unimaginable Cody and his friends would punch and banter each other the way we did. It had happened more than just that a teacher would punish us for bullying a classmate. Then the 'victim' would laugh and tell them we were just kidding. Sometimes they believed it. Sometimes… not.

And I wondered how I looked like to others. To them, I was still the same old Zack. The one who played pranks on people. The one who took great care in acting cool to impress girls. The one who had a new girlfriend every week. But that wasn't me anymore. Especially not the girls part.

The old me had made a fool of himself whenever a babe passed him. The old me had looked at a girl, seen she was pretty and immediately started to flirt with her, not giving a damn on what she was like. The old me had been famous for his girl consume. The old me had been obsessed with money.

The old me had been an ordinary show-off. Life had been so much easier then.

*****************************Introducing the reader 4 - CPOV*******************************

I really don't understand how you can't like school. Sometimes I think that all these people are actually suffering from some kind of phobia. It makes them unable to enjoy being taught and getting smart and reduces them to superficial ignoramuses.

One of very few exceptions to this phobia is physical education, another mystery I will never comprehend. I like sports, but I don't like it in a dirty, reeking gym. And our teacher, Mr. Shaw, has a great collection of those disgusting 'tricots' which have never been washed and loves to make us wear them.

Mr. Shaw has to be about the only teacher at our school who doesn't like me. I have to say that it feels kind of weird. And everybody else keeps rubbing it in that I'm not very good at P.E. Okay, okay, I'll admit it: I'm lousy. Unlike Zack, who has always been the basketball star. Once, I even got a C in my report card!

P.E. is sheer torture for me. It wasn't any different that day.

From the moment I entered the stinky changing room, I didn't stop begging heaven to release me. That was the moment when I slipped on something I didn't want to identify and landed on my behind. Everybody laughed at me and I blushed deeply, hurrying to change in the darkest corner of the room.

It got worse when Zack and his friends arrived. Oh, don't get this wrong. I loved my brother, of course I did. But some of his friends could be really stupid. That Ian guy, for example. He liked to pick on 'strange' people. People who didn't fit in his scheme. People who were too complex for him to understand. People like me.

In Zack's defense I had to admit that he did tell them to keep it down and that it was part of his routine to get into fights defending me from some bully. I did appreciate that, and I was grateful. But I still thought it couldn't hurt if he looked for nicer friends, which I knew he would never do.

As they changed, they threw plastic bottles at each other, shouting loudly. One hit me in the face, and unfortunately, it was still pretty full. Another one hadn't been closed correctly and emptied itself mostly on me.

We had to run around the gym ten times. After that, Mr. Shaw noticed how wet I was and got angry at me for spattering drops of water on the floor. He made me do twenty push-ups in front of the class before he sent me off to the bathroom to dry my hair with toilet paper.

I did that very slowly and carefully, and when I came back, the others had started a basketball game. At first I was relieved because I knew Mr. Shaw wouldn't interrupt the game, but then he told me to get the horizontal bar and set it up all by myself.

Of course I managed to drop the bar on my foot, not from very high, but it still hurt. The teacher wouldn't allow me to go get an ice pad, but dearest Tyler pretended he was hurt and when he got a pad, he gave it to me. By the time Mr. Shaw noticed, my foot had already swollen enough to convince him that I wasn't pretending.

I could have gone home then, but I didn't want to miss chemistry, so I spent the rest of the class sitting on a bench. You'd think I was out of danger there. I wasn't. Actually, I was hit by two basketballs during ten minutes. These balls are vicious, I'm telling you – or, at least, so are the 'star players', also known as 'my classmates'.

**********************************The Game – ZPOV************************************

Many things had changed about me, but at least one had stayed the same: I still loved basketball. I liked the clear rules, how there was just right and wrong, cheating and scoring, winning and losing, with nothing in between. I liked the routine mixed with challenge, the excitement before and the exhaustion after the game.

When I was playing, I didn't have to think. My mind was, for once, allowed to be all blank, because my body knew what to do without advice, and it was pretty good at it. I didn't even need to think about tactics. I was in line with them automatically. Who needed a brain?

Basketball was one thing I was really good at, and I quite enjoyed that, especially – even if I'd never admitted that – because it was my only way to make Mom proud of me. But it was more than that. It was mercy. It meant sweet, sweet distraction from the problems lurking for me outside the gym.

It was a nice, warm afternoon in May. Mom and I stepped out of the gym. There were a few people standing out there, but not many; I'd been the last to take a shower. For one second I smiled at the beauty of the setting sun – something I wouldn't even have noticed months ago, especially not in such a moment.

But the next minute, I was completely taken by another beauty, one that made the sun look pretty old. Yeah, I know what this sounds like. Not like something Zachary Martin would even think. And, if you know the context, it might even sound vain. And, more importantly: Sick.

I didn't feel sick at all, just good, as I watched my twin brother walking towards us from where he'd been waiting. His hair was glowing in the sunlight and the smile on his face was so big you could think he had won some science award again.

"You did it, Zack!" He beamed, looking so beautiful it nearly hurt. "You were awesome!"

"Thanks, buddy" I said, keeping myself from being too happy. The thought that I was allowed to be happy because my team had just won the junior championship didn't occur to me, of course. I was not exactly the quickest grasper in my family… that was another one of the things that hadn't changed.

Cody gave me another smile; then he hugged me, and, seriously – it was way better than winning the championship.


	2. Chapter 2

Hey people!

Hikari Kame, Wyntirsno, ItsASuiteLife, SofterThanMagic: I'm so glad you liked the first chapter and I hope you won't be disappointed with this one!

I think this chapter will show you how much, or little, Cody knows. Yet, anyway.

If you want to know: This story will probably have about 10 chapters plus epilogue. Some of the chapters are already written, but I don't write them in the right order and I don't write complete chapters, so the updates won't be at quite regular intervals. But I'll try not to keep you guys waiting for too long, I promise!

The next two chapters are already written and I only have to re-read them a little.

Apropos the next chapters. The first two chaps are rather soft-written. They are mostly meant to show the reader how Zack feels, without anything actually happening. Chapter 4 and 5 will be dedicated to one event and its implications, and they will be a little less everyday-life-like. This story will have a generous amount of drama in the later chapters, but don't worry, I don't want to reduce my characters to miserable Gary-Stus whose only characteristic is how they can suffer, and I'll go for a sort of drama that is realistic and not too overused. I don't want you to fall asleep while reading my story! ^^

Now read and enjoy!

***************************************CPOV******************************************

„Zackary Martin! Get your lazy butt over here and clean this mess up! "

Mom was furious. She only used our full names once in a half year. Well, actually, I couldn't remember the last time she had called me 'Cody Martin'. Not that she was never mad at me, although far less often than at Zack. It just didn't sound as good.

"If you aren't here in-"

"Alright alright I'm coming!"

The door to our room was opened and Zack entered, looking extremely cool.

Mom glared at him with poisonous eyes, which caused him to shield his eyes with one hand and walk to the couch as quickly as possible. The couch was covered in little pieces of some snack I didn't even want to know what it was called.

As a loving, helpful, and obliging twin, I tossed him a wet towel. Unfortunately, it landed on his head. He attempted to glare at me, but to do so, he had to look at Mom's direction, so he turned away and started cleaning.

"You are supposed to clean it up, not eat it!"

I grimaced. He ate everything he could lay his hands on. Once, he ate a gum that was sticking to a school desk. He could even tell that, once upon a time, it had been mint flavor. I got nightmares after that, and I never ate bubble gum again.

"Uh-uh, you're not done, my friend! There is still pretty much left on the floor!"

Zack made a small whimpering sound and got down on his knees to clean the floor, too. Mom didn't take her eyes off him. She stood there, a few steps from me, with her hands on her hips, and supervised his every move. You could almost feel sorry for him.

After a while and a few more comments, he was actually done and walked to the trash can, still avoiding meeting Mom's gaze.

"And now, we are going to check inside your shelves, and under your bed, and in your socks!" She announced, already heading towards the bedroom door.

"Er… You might wonna leave out the…"

"Zip it, mister!"

Zack gave me a terrified look before bucking his head and following her into the room. She started pulling everything out of his closet and throwing it to the floor. It wasn't long until I heard a shriek.

"Now is that a piece of pizza…?" Zack's voice said in an attempt to sound surprised.

"Yes. _And it's moving_!" Mom's voice was a whole octave higher than usual. I jumped towards the sink in case I had to puke. I had already wondered where that smell came from. "Get rid of all this stuff NOW! I am going to get some bacteria killer spray and by the time I'm back, I don't want to have to use it!"

She made her way back to the living room. Then something seemed to occur to her. "And don't eat that pizza!"

"I wasn't going to!" Zack seemed honestly offended. "It has tuna fish on it!"

Mom snorted. She came over to me, hugged me, and buried her nose in my hair.

"Uh… Mom? Everything OK with you?"

She let go of me and hurried towards the door. "I just needed to get rid of the smell of those socks," she explained, "Love you!"

"Love you too!" I called.

"Love you too!" Zack's voice came from the bedroom.

Mom hesitated in the door. "Yeah, you, too," she finally said, "But only if your room is clean when I come back!" Then she left.

"Oh boy," Zack said.

After a little thinking, I decided to ask him what the matter was.

"I just found your homework," He answered.

"Aaaaand…???" _He didn't ruin it, he didn't ruin it, he didn't ruin it! ,_ I thought desperately.

"Uh… It's kinda covered in tomato soup…"

"You ruined it!" I shouted angrily and rushed into the room.

My five-paged essay on the correct feeding of a baby chipmunk had a big, fat splotch of tomato soup on it. There was absolutely no way I could give it to our biology teacher like that. I'd have to re-write it.

I looked up at Zack's face and for one brief moment, I thought I saw real contrition on it. But while I was still staring at him, he put on a grin. It was the sort of grin I hated on him because he always grinned it right before getting very annoying.

"You know," He suggested, "If you don't want it anymore, I wouldn't mind the soup!"

I loved my brother. I really did. But it was moments like this that I wanted nothing more than to be an only-child.

***************************************ZPOV******************************************

I couldn't sleep. I didn't know what it was – maybe it was too warm or too cold or too tidy or I was just too much awake.

Silently, I rolled over to my other side. I did it silently because I didn't want to wake Cody. I liked listening to his quiet, soft breathing. I liked looking at his sleeping face. When he was sleeping, he looked even more angelic than usual, if that was possible.

There were many reasons why I liked sleeping and this was one of them. When lying in bed awake, I always got too damn sappy. Okay, I got that about every time I saw Cody. Which was, naturally, often. And yes, it made me sappy, but happy, too. Being around him made me feel all different. The feeling could not be compared to anything else. I dared to call it love.

It was a good thing that I had never been a good boy. If I was, I couldn't have been okay with myself. I was aware that I was breaking a law. I was aware that a love like this was a social taboo. But I didn't care as long as I could wake up in the morning to face another day full of Cody.

I didn't remember the day when I realized I was in love with my twin brother. I guessed that was because there had never been such a day. But I did remember the day when I had first thought about it rationally. I had been shocked, and I had been overwhelmed, but I hadn't been repulsed or disgusted. It was too great.

Of course I knew there was no way Cody and I could ever be together, even if he wanted to, which was close to impossible. Cody was a good boy. He would never become gay, let alone fall in love with me. Strangely, I wasn't sad about it. I was happy with my situation like it was. Sometimes I'd dream about what we could have, but I didn't really hope for anything. I may be dumb, but not that dumb.

My worst nightmare, however, was much more realistic: That someone could see the way I felt about my twin brother. I couldn't say how many times I had seen the reactions in my sleep – Mom and Dad's faces, Bob's, Jake's. And Cody's beautiful face, a grimace of shock and disgust.

At that point, I'd wake up and find that I was lying somewhere on the floor, feeling cold, uncomfortable, and horrified. I'd climb back onto my bed, shivering, and stare up at the blanket just like I did now, until, in the early morning, I'd finally fall asleep again.

I couldn't let this happen. That was why I had to be very careful. I had to treat him the way I had always treated him. I had to play pranks on him and act like I thought I was better than him. I had to pick on him and trick him into doing things, like earlier that day. I had to keep myself from staring at him, except for when he was sleeping, and being too happy about his kindness.

But the real problem, and the only one I felt really embarrassed by, was that my heart wasn't the only part of me that belonged, and reacted, to Cody. I think you know what I am talking about. There was a reason why I never showered in the mornings, always dressed while my brother was in the bathroom, and for a couple of other necessities.

At first, I had wished for it to stop, but not anymore. This love was complicated, it was hopeless, and it brought many problems. But still, I had never felt so good before. I had never loved anyone so hard, and somehow I knew that it would never go away. I was glad about that, even if it meant I had to spend my whole life single.

***************************************CPOV******************************************

I couldn't say why I woke up. I couldn't say that I woke up at all. At some point, I just realized that I wasn't asleep anymore. That was strange, because I usually fell asleep in the evening right after I laid down and woke up seconds before my alarm clock rang.

So I started wondering why I was awake. My brain was feeling weird, like somebody had turned it halfway into a cloud, and the wondering took quite a while. After a few minutes – or hours, I couldn't tell – I realized that I didn't know.

The next thing I remember is that I suddenly was aware that Zack wasn't sleeping, either. Now, there was a lot to think about: How did I know that? Had he woken me up? Why was he not asleep? I still didn't find any answers. After a while, it occurred to me that I could just ask him.

"Zack?"

He made a funny sound. Obviously, he had been engrossed in thought.

"Cody! You awake?"

"Yes," I said. A voice inside my head told me that this was a stupid answer, and that I should think of something else to say, but I didn't pay attention.

Both Zack and I were silent for a little while. All you could hear was the sound of our breathing.

"Did I wake you?" Zack finally asked. His tone was apologetic. Something in me was bothered by this tone, but I couldn't figure out what it was or why it was alarmed.

"No," I said. Then, I realized that an explanation would probably be nice. I just didn't have one. "I don't know why I woke up." On some lower level, I was relieved that I could form complete sentences.

Suddenly, I noticed that I was lying with my back to my brother. Somehow I knew that was impolite, so I rolled over to face him. He was resting on his elbows, eyeing me with a funny look. The something twisted, making me feel slightly nauseous.

"Cody?"

"Mmm?"

"You should get back to sleep."

"Mmm…"

He was right, no doubt. I closed my eyes and pulled my blanket closer around my body. The little something kept telling me that there was something very important I needed to think through, but I was too tired for any more thinking. Thinking was exhausting. Sleeping was easy… So wonderfully easy… I would save thinking for tomorrow…

I was almost asleep – or actually, I had been almost sure I was already asleep – when I heard I soft whisper flying across the room.

"Sweet dreams, sleeping beauty," The whisper whispered. The something twisted and turned inside of me, constantly telling me something was very, very wrong here, but I was already drifting away, to a place where it couldn't reach me.

****************************************ZPOV*****************************************

"Sweet dreams, sleeping beauty…"

Slowly, I lay down again. Why had Cody woken up? He never did, and I should know. Did something bother him? Would he wake up again?

If he did, I'd have to be careful at night, too. I couldn't take the risk of him waking up and having me stare at him. On the other hand, I doubted that he would have minded being stared at by me tonight. He had been half asleep.

The memory made me smile. He was so cute when he was sleepy. Usually, he was fully awake the moment he opened his eyes in the morning. Maybe I should wake him more often. I was still wondering about that when sleep finally caught up with me.


	3. Chapter 3

SofterThanMagic, Selia, Wyntirsno, Cola Zitron: Thank you so much for reviewing!

Well, if you already knew what Cody is going to say/do/think, then what would be the point of reading the story? I want you to stay interested! And that's why you will have to wait for the big moment for two or three more chaps ^^

Now, ladies and gentlemen, here is the first appearance of ... DRAMA! So make yourself comfortable, get some chocolate and read!

Coco

PS: I know it's kinda short. The next one will be a bit longer again.

**********************************Bullies 1 – CPOV*************************************

The bell rang and nearly everybody jumped from their chairs and ran out of the classroom with unbelievable speed. I carefully put my books back into my bag before I, too, made my way to the door, mechanically picking up some bubble gum wrappers on the floor and dropping them into the trash can.

"Come on!" That was Mrs. Jellins, our math teacher. "I want to go home, too!"

With a nod, I left the classroom behind Fred. We walked to the front doors together, said 'goodbye' and headed to opposite directions. I started humming a little melody; I think it was Bach. I was thinking about a science project we were supposed to do, so I wasn't expecting anything when I walked around the corner.

Suddenly, my right leg was kicked by something like a foot. I gasped and instinctively went into a defensive crouch before daring to look up to see who had kicked me.

There were two of them. One was leaning against the wall and the one who had kicked me had to be somewhere behind me. I knew for sure when a fist – or an elbow, I wasn't sure – was thrust into my side. I bit down on my lip, swallowing the cry of pain that rose in my throat.

"Won't you cry, nerd?" A low voice teased, followed by derisive laughter from the other bully. "Won't you shout for mommy? Don't be afraid, we won't tell anyone!" I grit my teeth and kept silent, even though I knew it didn't matter what I did right now. They wouldn't leave me alone anyway.

There was the sound of footsteps on the ground, the kind that wanted to sound heavy. Seconds later, a hand grabbed my hair and pulled hard. I made a sound somewhere between a sob and a moan, half suppressed, and unsuccessfully tried to hit the guy. The laughter returned, causing the hair on my arms to stand on edge.

"Very good. I knew you could do it!" The voice commended tauntingly. "Now, do something more spectacular. We want something to show the world!"

"You're on tape." Another voice told me. It was higher than the first one and a little bit less frightening. "Wave to the world!" I didn't move, irrationally hoping that they would just go away. I knew that was pointless, though. They could do to me whatever they wanted to and nothing I could do would stop them.

This time, I was kicked in the butt and nearly fell. I stumbled forward, right into the other guy who pushed me back by hitting my stomach and chest the same time. They pushed me back and forth a few times, all the while laughing and teasing, while I struggled not to fall.

When I was knocked off my feet by a leg, I finally fell to the ground and remembered to catch myself almost too late. A broken piece of glass cut my hand. "Ow!" I said, feeling tears waiting behind my eyelids.

Someone smacked my face into the dirt - fortunately, it missed the glass – just to pull my head back by my hair again. "Make him do something!" The second voice said. What did they think I was? A circus monkey?

"Give me the matches." Matches? What the… When I realized what they were about to do, I nearly shrieked. _They wouldn't,_ I told myself. _They don't dare._ Even bullies like them wouldn't be willing to do such a thing. They were just saying that to frighten me. It so worked.

I heard the sound of something light being snatched out of the air, and a match being struck. "No" I choked, my voice trembling with fear. "Stop…" I couldn't end my sentence because one of them let himself fall to his knees – on top of me. My back felt like it was on fire already.

"Stop it!" This time, my voice was strong and arrogating. The really strange thing was that I didn't remember moving my lips. While I listened to my own voice in amazement, the bullies started laughing again. "Who are you – another nerd?"

Slowly, it came to me that it hadn't been my voice I had heard. _Zack!_ I tried to roll over so I could see him, but was pinned to the ground by one of them. So I could do nothing but listen, torn between wishing for him to run, run fast, and hoping he would help me.

"Leave him," Zack said coolly. "And don't touch my brother ever again." How could he act so self-conscious? These guys were way too big for him! "Ever," somebody affirmed and I recognized Bob's voice. Again, I couldn't decide if I should be relieved or worried.

"Don't you dwarves tell us what to do!" The deep voice snarled and something hit Zack, who gasped and beat back. I could tell from the sounds that there were a few moments of fighting. The first voice was about to say something else when the second bully let go of me and took a few steps back.

"Come on," He said, "We got the tape. Let's go put it online." Suddenly, I heard more fighting noises. I got up in time to watch Zack trampling on a cell phone while Bob and another boy stepped in front of me.

The bully grimaced. "You're gonna pay for that," He promised, before he turned around and was gone.

***********************************Bullies 2 – ZPOV*************************************

"Cody!"

As soon as the two of them were gone, I hurried towards my brother. His face and hair were dirty and he had some small stones sticking to his skin, but apart from that, he looked fine. Not too upset. He even managed a weak smile. The fact that he still tried to cam me made my heart ache.

"Don't you smile at me!" I told him off, "What did they do to you?" I clung to the anger for the bullies and used it to act harsh; it was safest.

The smile vanished and was replaced by a frown. "You know," He answered.

I snorted. "Yeah, they hit you and at some point, they pushed you to the ground. Correction: How bad are you hurt?"

"Not that bad," he murmured. "You didn't have to…"

"Oh, cut it out. You do know what they were about to do, don't you? And all of us know you couldn't have stopped them alone. Now… How much time passed before we arrived?"

"Not long. They were only just getting started." Cody had never been a good liar, and as his twin brother, I was the last person he was able to lie to. The way he lowered his gaze belied his words.

I searched the ground with my eyes, but I couldn't find what I was looking for. After a few seconds, I noticed that Bob had already taken the little card out of the broken cell and was switching it with the one in his own. Minutes later, he handed his cell phone to me.

Together, we watched the video. Every time they beat Cody, I got angrier. In the end, I gave the cell back to Bob because I was afraid I was going to drop it. We watched until the display first showed our faces, then Bob put the cell back into his pocket.

"Not that bad. Just getting started," I repeated, trying to sound neutral but knowing everyone could hear the fury in my voice, "I get it. Let me see your back." When he hesitated, I simply grabbed his shirt and pushed it up.

There were already big, knee-shaped bruises on his back. I touched one lightly, and he moaned in pain. "Damn fucking assholes," Jake snarled through clenched teeth. "Two big guys against one boy who is obviously not used to fights. Do they have no honor?"

"Some people are not even cool enough for their own requirements," I said in a monotone voice, this time not letting any emotion show. "I guess they need that for their wimpy ego. C'mon, guys, let's get… to the bus station." I'd been about to say 'Let's get him home' but I knew he wouldn't have liked that.

***********************************Bullies 3 – CPOV*************************************

Bob and the other boy, Jake, who turned out to be surprisingly kind, guarded us all the way back to the hotel and even up to our suite. The other two tried to make some conversation, but Zack was obviously in no talking mood and everybody was kind of tense, anyway.

When we finally arrived at home, I was surprised to see we weren't late at all. I mean, of course we weren't late – we had been on the same bus as always, for there was only one bus in two hours – but it somehow seemed inappropriate. For example, if we were a movie, Mom would have been a mess right now.

Instead, she was downright euphoric because she had actually talked a raise out of Moseby. She had even bought us new skateboards – one each! And our old ones were still in one piece, even Zack's! It was close to a miracle.

Zack was doing his best to be excited about the skateboards and he even asked for the details of the raise to make sure she wasn't being fooled (I listened in amazement. So did Mom.), but I could feel he just wanted to get rid of her and I saw he was relieved when she announced she was going to meet a friend.

As soon as she was gone, he made himself comfortable on the sofa and started watching some stupid TV-Show. I could tell he was upset, even though he didn't let it show, and I could tell he was going to talk to me sometime soon, so I just kept silent.

Mom ordered Chinese food for dinner and it was delicious. She was in such a good mood she talked and talked all the time and didn't seem to notice how Zack was unusually quiet. Finally, he took a chance and told her about a bad history grade, but not even that could make her less happy.

After dinner, Mom and I were doing the dishes, the phone rang.

"Zack, honey, will you get the phone, please?"

He didn't react in any way but continued playing his video game.

"Get it now!" Mom yelled, but sighed and dried her hands to get it herself because she knew her efforts were wasted. "Hello?"

She listened to whatever whoever that was on the phone was saying, and her expression changed. "Actually, they didn't," she said, giving us poisonous looks. "I am very sorry to hear that. I'll have a little talk with them, if you don't mind, and call you back later." She waited a few more moments, and then hung up. Zack (who had finally taken his eyes off the TV) and I exchanged worried looks.

"Who scrunched that boy's cell phone? Alright why am I asking _Zack why did you do that_? You ruined my good mood!"

Okay, it was exactly like we had feared it would be. I saw how Zack mouthed the word _Coward_. Now who was the one running to tell Mommy? We had agreed on not telling Mom because we knew she would be hysterical with worry. But if we didn't want her to believe the bully's version of the story, we had to tell her now.

"Look…" He started, raising his hands in defense. "I don't know what that guy told his parents, but…"

"He told them that you crunched his cell phone – his brand new cell phone! – and they want the money! Do you have any idea how much that will cost me?" Her eyes were murderous.

"Mom, it would help if you listened to our version of the story first before blaming me," He said. She looked at us with a confused expression. "Because our version is the truth. Look, that boy is a bully, really. He and his friend caught Cody after school and beat him up…"

I spotted a clenched fist in his pocket, and he spit the words out like bullets. "They were about to do something with matches when I, Bob, and Jake came. They ran away because they were outnumbered." He added contemptuously.

Mom frowned, but seemed more confused than angry now. "And what was that about the cell phone?"

"Yeah… well… I guess I might have broken that, too."

I decided that this was the right moment for me to jump in. "They were filming the whole thing to put it on the Internet, so Zack wanted to destroy the video!"

"And… Maybe I don't know much about these things, but… Why didn't he just delete it?"

"He had to act quickly!" I defended, but Zack shrugged and said "I kinda freaked, I guess." It sounded really compunctious, and he looked like he was sorry. I listened and watched in confusion as he went on: "I was just… I was so furious, I think I lost control. Dammit, they were bashing _Cody_…" He fell silent.

"I see…" Mom looked shocked, but not as shocked as I had imagined. Probably it hadn't really sunk in yet.

"We can prove it!" I said quickly, "We have the video!"

"You don't have to… I thought Zack broke the cell!?"

Zack rolled his eyes in an attempt to cover… I didn't know what, actually. "Yeah, I may have broken the cell, but the data are undamaged." He explained in the way you talk to a child. "But don't worry, Mom, the bully didn't get that, either." Mom made a funny noise and dropped herself onto a chair.

We watched in worry as her blinking went too fast and her expression got very, very strange. "Okay…" She finally managed to choke, "I guess that means trouble."


	4. Chapter 4

Hey!

I'd like to thank the new readers LolaLines, BluePearl0luv, Chariline, Aaliyah-Babygurl - thank you for reading and reviewing!

Also thank you to two anonymuses.

Cola Zitron, Wyntirso - thank you for not dropping out!

And finally SimonComplex - thanks for the constructive criticism. It helped me a lot.

Wyntirso: I think it was going to be cigarette burns. Not too bad, but enough to scare someone very much.

Okay, what is there to say about this chapter...

Some of you have told me that Carey seems a bit uncaring in the third chapter. I hope that impression can be corrected with this one ^^

I know this took a lot more time than I promised; and actually, I already had this one finished when I uploaded the third chapter, and also the sixth and seventh. But I still don't have the fift, so I didn't want to update. Anyway, here you go now, and I hope you like it!

**************************************** ZPOV*****************************************

_Css. Crrch. Css. Crrch._

The piece of paper made funny noises while I tore it apart to make balls from it. Tiny paper balls were scattered all over the floor of the living room. I didn't even notice; I was too engrossed in thought.

I didn't notice the aching bulge on my forehead and the pain in my shin, either, but I still knew they were there. The bullies had been nothing but that: ordinary bullies, all show-off-y when they were many, and cowards when they were outnumbered. But they had left their marks anyway.

I didn't mean myself or Bob and Jake by that – I got bruises and goose eggs almost every day, and these weren't too bad. But Cody was beat black and blue, and he was not as strong as us. His hand was swollen; Mom thought he had blood poisoning.

As we had imagined, she was now crazy with worry when Cody was out of her sight for just one minute. She made us pretend we were ill so we could stay at home for a few days. I had to go back to school after two days, though; she wasn't nearly as worried about me being beaten up as about him – she knew me and my friends could defend ourselves and that it wasn't exactly breaking news for us to get in a fight.

The two bullies from Tuesday had given me dark looks, but they didn't dare to touch me and my friends. But as soon as Cody went to school again, he would be their favorite target. I didn't even want to think of what they'd have done to him if the history teacher hadn't wanted to talk to us after school.

So he was safe right now, but it was Monday afternoon and my learning-obsessed brother really wanted to go to school. What was I supposed to do to protect him? He had much more classes than me, and I couldn't look after him all day, anyway. And his geek friends wouldn't be much of a threat to the bullies.

These were the thoughts that haunted me. And made me kill my report card of the last year. Not that anyone was going to be sad about that.

The door to our room was opened. "Zack?" I blinked a few times to push my thoughts away before turning my head and smiling at Cody, who stood in the doorway. "You okay?"

"Yeah," I said, watching him as he walked over to where I sat. "Just thinking."

He sat down on another chair, playing with a pen in his hands. "About what?"

"Nothing important," I lied. I didn't need him to know how much I had been thinking about him the last days, or before.

However, he saw right through me. "You were thinking about tomorrow, weren't you?" I didn't respond. It had not been a question, anyway. "Don't worry about it, Zack. It's okay. I'm going to be just fine."

I laughed a hard, humorless laugh. "Aren't I supposed to be the one comforting you?" It wasn't a question, either. He cocked his head and, once again, his beauty cut into my heart. He looked so innocent, so breakable… How could I possibly let him put himself in danger tomorrow?

I sighed in irritation which made him quirk one eyebrow. "Stop doing that quirking thing at me!" I snapped. "Is it so bad for one twin to be worried when the other twin happens to be the new favorite target of two huge bullies who probably will bring friends next time and ba- Sorry." I dropped my eyes. What the f*** was I blubbering??

"_I _think it's natural for a twin to do that," Cody said with a serious face. "I would, and I _really_ hope you are not honestly _ashamed_. But I still think it's going to be okay and I don't like seeing you rack your brains over it." I nodded.

"Yeah… I guess I should try not to think about it anymore," I said to humor him, even though I knew that effort was already doomed. "Just… try to stay close to other people, right?" He rolled his eyes, and then gave me that 'how-dumb-do-you-think-I-am?'-look. Strangely, I wasn't feeling better at all.

****************************************CPOV*****************************************

„Alright, let's do this."

Zack and I got up and out of the school bus. He had insisted on sitting behind me and Fred, although I was sure it had been hard for him to stay awake while we were talking. He probably hadn't understood half of the words, not to mention what the conversation was about.

"Come on, Zack, this is ridiculous. I'll be okay. Nothing is going to happen!"

I knew the whole thing had really upset him, more than me. He was almost worse than Mom. I couldn't quite decide what I felt like the most – touched, worried or irritated.

It was kind of weird, anyway. After all, I was the victim, not him. I was a bit afraid, of course, but he was just hysterical. I would never have expected such a reaction from him and I wasn't sure I appreciated it. It just didn't feel right, like I was missing something really important.

He gave me a troubled look. I could see he wanted to say something, but he didn't. Probably it was another advice. I didn't know how many times I had heard that during the last days from him and Mom - always stay with other people, don't look at the bullies, don't do anything to draw attention to you, don't fall behind on the way back to the station.

On the way to the school building, I felt my brother's eyes on me. I turned around to smile at him, but he looked away quickly, almost like he had done something forbidden. Did he really feel bad for being worried about me? I shook my head in confusion. When I looked forward again, I felt his gaze return.

Zack had changed in the last months. He was more responsible, more reasonable, and more aware of other people. But he was still the same old Zack in some ways, and that was fine. If he hadn't kept his stupid sense of pride, his laziness, or his total disapprovement of hygiene, he might not have been the brother I loved anymore.

But right now, I wished he had changed a little more. I wished he could drop the idiotic, egoistic behavior. He didn't need it. He was not an egoistic idiot anymore. But somehow he seemed to think that was a bad thing. Where had Mom gone wrong with him?

****************************************ZPOV*****************************************

History. Block Period. It was a nightmare. Or, anyway, it would have been if I had been sleeping like I used to do in those periods.

Sadly, I was not sleeping, and although I was as tired as if I hadn't slept at all that night (which might actually be true), I couldn't. Every muscle in my body was tensed, and I couldn't relax, no matter how many times I told myself being tense wouldn't help in any way, and besides, surely no one was going to hurt Cody in history class.

Hurt Cody. Cody, hurt. These words were like little evil bees buzzing around my head and stinging every centimeter of skin they could lay their stings on. My head was twice its size already and the annoying humming sound made it hard to concentrate. Not that I ever concentrated on history.

I looked down on my desk to find that I had drawn a cartoon-like bee with my ball pen. I quickly attempted to wipe it away. Unfortunately, the bee didn't care.

"_What are you doing?_"

Looking up again, I saw that Bob was staring at me from the neighbor desk with an expression that let me know he thought I was going crazy. I stared back at him, confused.

"What am I supposed to do, leave it there?" The teacher would make me clean all the desks in the entire school. And there were a lot of desks in the school. I wouldn't have any free time in the next week! Who was the one going crazy?

Bob glanced at the desk and then at me again, still with the same expression. "Leave what where?" Irritated, I looked down again.

I guessed I had looked a weeee bit strange – frantically rubbing my index finger against the desk to remove something that wasn't there. I checked my finger. It wasn't even blue.

Oh. My. Gosh. Now I started to hallucinate. What would come next?

Bob was still staring at me.

"I thought there was a bee," I explained. I only realized how stupid that sounded after I had already said it. Bob's expression got even weirder, much like he was going to call the nice men in white any minute.

"You have some serious issues, my friend!" He stated and shook his head, still grimacing. With a last doubtful look, he turned to face the teacher again.

"Yes," I whispered so lowly not even Bob could hear it. "I do."

*****************************************CPOV****************************************

Zack's eyes followed me around all day. I felt them when he was talking to his friends, in class, while I walked to the next one. After some time, I stopped turning my head because he never met my gaze anyway. At one point, I was worrying if I might have become paranoid; but others also told me that he was constantly staring at me.

It was annoying. I knew he just wanted to protect me, but he simply irritated me, not to speak of my friends. They started to refer to him as 'The Stalker', which I only half-heartedly protested against.

The worst thing about it was that I had to tell everybody what had happened. I was a terrible liar, and besides, I wouldn't have lied to my friends in my wildest dreams. They were all shocked and a little scared, except for Barbara.

Right now, we were on our way to biology class. "You know…" Liv said very quietly, "If those b-"

"Cut it out!" Barbara said resolutely. Liv dropped her sentence immediately. "If they come for Cody, they'll whish they never looked at him. Leave everything to me."

Nobody even briefly considered telling her that she was, no matter how good she was at karate, only about half as strong as one of the bullies, partly because we definitely could imagine Barbara beating up two huge bullies, and partly because we knew she could knock us out effortlessly.

"By the way… Cody, are you sure you don't want me to go over there and give Stalkerboy a piece of our minds?" She couldn't hide her eagerness. She had never liked Zack and right now, she was furious at him.

Quickly, I shook my head. "No, Barbara!" I said. I didn't quite know who I was trying to protect by that. "But I think I'll have to go talk to him," I added.

"You're not going to do that."

I frowned at Tyler. "Why not?"

"Are you telling me you are going to go and tell your twin brother to quit being worried about you?"

"No. But I am telling you that I am going to go and tell my twin brother to be worried about me somewhere else. After all, I have Barbara to protect me."

He couldn't say anything against that right now, so he shrugged. "Then go."

"And please, please, _please_ don't change your mind!" Liv begged.

I threw her an angry look and walked away.

****************************************ZPOV****************************************

When I saw that Cody was walking towards me, I already knew what he was going to say. I knew I was annoying. I knew I was acting like an overprotective mother hen. I knew it was driving him crazy to have me follow him everywhere.

But I also knew that, whatever he said, I wasn't going to stop. It was simply impossible. I couldn't even stand the _thought_ of letting Cody out of my sight.

Finally, he reached me. His face was expressionless and I copied it. We looked at each other like a businessmen and his reflection.

"Hello, Zack," He said and I was almost awaiting a handshake. "My friends and I have been wondering if you would mind relaxing a little and giving me some space." I found the way he was acting very cute, but I suppressed that thought immediately. I had problems right now.

"Yes, I would," I answered. The little sentence actually seemed to throw him off track. That amused me. Had he really thought I would just say 'whatever you say' and go away?

"Please, Zack," He pleaded. "Or I'll have to allow Barbara to convince you."

I laughed. "I hate to say this, but I'm so not afraid of little karate girl. I have more important things on my mind."

"Do you realize how irritating you are?"

"Yes, I do. And I don't care," I answered honestly.

"How about you…"

"No."

"I could…"

"No."

"But…"

"So not happening."

"You can't supervise me for the rest of my life," He reasoned. "I mean, one day, we're going to be grown up, and married, and whatever. Let go!"

He didn't know what he was saying. He couldn't know how he hurt me with this – really not very funny – joke. But as he spoke the words, the pictures came all by themselves – a grown-up Cody, festively dressed, beaming, with a faceless, but incredibly beautiful bride by his side. I felt sick.

"Zack?"

Let go…

I blinked to get rid of the pictures. "I'm sorry, Cody," I said, hoping my voice sounded normal. "I can't."

Maybe he would make me his groomsman. Maybe not. But he would definitely expect me to come and watch. To shake their hands and congratulate. He'd want me to be there with him to share his happiness.

I felt the sudden urge to puke.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi, guys!

Sorry it took so long to upload this chapter. I usually only update when I've got the next two chapters complete, but I decided I wanted a cliffy so I had to write a chapter I hadn't planned, and now I have my cliffy. I hope you like it ^^ And yes, I am evil.

Alright, so here is another chapter for Aaliyah-Babygurl, who says she 'needs more Zack&Cody in her life'.

Enjoy!

PS: I promise you won't have to wait for the next chapters too long. I mean, I'm evil, but I'm not _that _evil... They're already waiting in line to be read by you!

***************************************CPOV******************************************

Zack wouldn't leave me alone for almost two weeks. One time, he was about to hurt somebody who dared to come near us with the wrong expression on his face. I got so angry I didn't talk to him for two days. I didn't really expect it to affect him in any way, but strangely, he seemed upset about it and nothing similar happened again.

By the time he finally calmed down, I had nearly stopped noticing his eyes on me, and so had my friends. Then, one day, Barbara commented about how 'my stalker' was nowhere to be seen. Only then did I realize that Zack was gone. I waited for him to come back, but he didn't.

After that, it were all back to normal. I was glad about that. I still tried not to walk alone, but mostly because even though Zack had quit being all hysterical, Mom hadn't. I knew she was still worried when I and Zack left the hotel in the morning and when I got back, I noticed the relief in her face.

At least she had - unwillingly - allowed me to do whatever I wanted in the afternoons. 'Do whatever I wanted' meaning 'Go to the club meetings'.

The club was a group of educationally gifted students Barbara and I had founded in our second year. We were ten now, and we met every Wednesday afternoon to discuss highly interesting topics the teachers refused to do in class. I had a feeling that was because they simply didn't understand them themselves.

Besides me, Barbara, Liv, Tyler, Tapeworm, and Fred, there were four younger kids in the club: Katherine and Theodora, also called Kathy and Theo, best friends, Giulia from Italy and a boy named Oliver who had the strangest habit of never blinking which I found was terribly irritating.

The principal had offered us a room we could use as long as we wanted. We also had his permission – and, more importantly, the keys - to use the library and the chemistry/biology/physics collection as long as we promised not to do anything dangerous with the stuff.

Today, we wanted to discuss the wave-particle dualism. We had brought a big pile of books full of theories, but actually, they were just there to create a scientific mood. Most of us had already read those books before. I myself could tell of at least three that they were completely useless.

We were sitting in a circle around a table on which we had put the books. Briefly, I thought that if Zack had ever come there, he would have laughed himself to death. My eyes immediately darted towards the windows, almost expecting to see him standing outside, watching me. He wasn't there. The only gaze I felt was Oliver's.

"Alright," Fred said "I'll start. See, I believe that Max Born's theory is not true. His writings on this matter are more hypothetical than acceptable even when we are talking about such a difficult topic. He jumps to conclusions that the reader cannot comprehend. I think he left physics and joined philosophy there."

Liv nodded. "He probably got so obsessed with finding a solution that the scientific spirit left him."

"Uh…" Theo said, slightly embarrassed, "What was his theory again?"

"He said that the wave's amplitude at a certain place is equivalent to the probability of finding a particle at this place," I explained to her. She nodded understandingly.

"So it is the opposite of Einstein's interpretation of wave-particle dualism?"

"That's the problem," Fred told her. "Born meant to explain the phenomena of WPD, but the longer you look at it, the more the theories seem contradictory."

Barbara frowned. "In my opinion, Born's theory does make a lot of sense. It is the most plausible explanation for WPD I know. Maybe you guys should read his book more carefully."

"I have," Fred answered, a little annoyed. "And I found it very queer."

"Well, maybe you're just not smart enough to understand it!" Barbara snapped.

Tyler rolled his eyes. "Hey!" I called, "This is supposed to be a spirited discussion, not a silly fight!"

Barbara gave me a murderous look, but shut up.

"Then give us your opinion to discuss about!" Giulia said, smiling.

I smiled back. "Well, my opinion is that all of WPD is a mistake resulting from technological limitation. At first, the diffraction patterns were detected holistically by means of a photographic plate, which could not detect individual particles, so the notion grew that particle and wave properties were mutually complementary, in the sense that different measurement apparatuses would be required to observe them. Today we can see the diffraction patterns emerge as a statistical pattern as we watch individual electrons and clearly, quantum particles are particles indeed who behave in an extraordinary way!"

My smile turned into a grin as I could nearly watch question marks rise from a few heads. Giulia, however, never batted an eyelid. "Aren't that the words of L. Ballentine?" She asked sweetly. The question marks seemed to grow.

"Indeed, they are. But although they are not my words, I still believe they are true. And who am I that I could explain Ballentine's theory better than Ballentine?"

"Who is this Ballentine you keep talking about?" Kathy asked worriedly. "Do I have to know?"

"No, you don't," I told her. "You may as well remember these words as those of Cody Martin."

"Now who is jeopardizing the scientific spirit?" Barbara complained. "This is supposed to be a spirited discussion, not a possibility for you to steal Ballentine's glory or try to improve your flirting skills!"

I blushed and leaned back into my chair. "Don't you want to say anything else to defend Max Born?"

****************************************ZPOV*****************************************

"Jake, if you don't get your behind down here in the next three seconds, we're going without you!"

Ian had a very loud voice. Sometimes I felt sorry for his mother – I was sure he must have been a nightmare when he was a baby. What's more, he had a sister who was two years older than him and had the same voice.

"Coming!" Jake yelled down the staircase, and "Bye, Mom!" He shouted over his shoulder. After a few more seconds, we heard the flat door slam shut and then the sound of his skateboard rolling down the wheelchair ramp. Jake never went anywhere without his skateboard, except to school, where it had gotten him into trouble too many times.

"What are we doing today?" Ian asked as we walked down the road towards the subway station – meaning: Ian and I walked, Jake drove.

"Mark and Alex are waiting for us at the mall," I answered.

Ian grimaced. "Mark? Isn't that the tiny insecure one?" I grinned at the description and nodded.

"I don't understand how you can stand hanging out with him!" He said. "He is so annoying! Can't we just go see a movie and _sadly _forget picking them up?"

I kicked his leg. "No, we can't. He's a friend of mine, and he's a great guy once you get to know him."

Jake snorted. "Yeah, and buy yourself a big box of ear wax…" I wondered about if I should hit him, too, but I decided that I would probably just hurt my hand like Bob had and besides, Mark could be pretty unnerving.

We picked Mark and Alex up at the mall and after that, we all decided to go to the movies – most of us liking that suggestion because Mark would shut up that way. The guys wanted to see a horror movie, but I convinced them to see a comedy instead.

We laughed a lot and we also spent a lot of money on popcorn, nachos and drinks. For some reason I never knew, Jake's soda went down Alex's shirt during the second part of the movie, causing Alex to throw popcorn at Jake. Unfortunately, he missed him and the popcorn hit Mark instead, who discovered a new way to use nacho pepper sauce, and soon after, all our drinks and food were on the floor, in our shorts or in the hair of the people sitting around us. Somehow a complete stranger managed to get some pepper sauce in a place pepper sauce should never, ever be, and ran off to the bathroom. As I said – we had a lot of fun… It was over far too soon.

As we were all more or less covered on soda and feeling kind of sticky, we headed towards the mall fountain. We could have used the bathroom, but that was so… conventional? We had a nice little water fight, at least until they threw us out.

They could have saved themselves the trouble – we snuck back in anyway, because Jake needed spares for his skateboard. On the way to the store, Ian spotted two kids from our grade looking at some absolutely horrible purses.

"Do they actually want to buy those or are they just looking for something to kill their cigarettes with?" He laughed.

Alex frowned. "I think they really want to buy them. They are two of the goofs his brother," He nodded towards me, "hangs out with. They are all such geeks; they'd never even touch a cigarette." He patted my shoulder and grinned. "Must be horribly embarrassing to have a brother like that…"

I felt anger rise inside of me. I suppressed it. I couldn't afford to lose my temper right now. So I forced my lips to curl up into something that was supposed to be an answering grin and shrugged casually.

"He's your twin brother, right?" He asked. I nodded. "Oh boy, poor you. People must be mistaking you for him _all_ the time. I feel really sorry for you, man."

I didn't know how it happened, so it definitely wasn't my fault. I couldn't control it. But suddenly I was standing in front of Alex, grabbing his shirt and pulling him closer to me. He was bigger than me, but I didn't care.

"Make one more comment like that about my brother, and you can feel sorry for yourself."

*****************************************************

I left quickly after that. All the way home, I didn't stop cursing myself and my temper. I could have slapped myself for what I had done and said. Why, heck why was I such a giant fool when it came to Cody? Oh right, I knew the answer. But I still needed to get myself under control. _Maybe I should take anger management classes, _I thought.

When I reached the hotel, it was almost four o'clock. I had planned on staying away much longer, and I knew I was going to be alone in the suite as Mom was probably out and as it was Wednesday, Cody wouldn't get home until six. I'd have plenty of time all to myself. That was good.

****************************************CPOV*****************************************

We had to end the club meeting early that day because Liv and Tyler's grandmother was coming and they had to search the mall for a purse they could give to her, and Fred had something very important to do he wouldn't tell us about.

When I got to the Tipton, Mr. Moseby and Mrs. Schnitzelgrubermeiger Hsien Von Helsinger Kepelugerhoffer were having a fight in the lobby. I would have stayed to watch, but someone threw a Frisbee in their direction and I quickly sneaked away before he could blame me.

Mom wasn't there when I arrived at our suite. She had left a note on the living room table that said she needed to go to the mall to buy food, but I was pretty sure she just wanted to spend some of the money she'd gotten from Mr. Moseby the evening before as long as it was still there and hadn't made its way into Zack's wallet yet.

I made myself a bread with cheese and read a few pages in my brand new history book; it was about the riots and civil commotion during the French Revolution – very interesting. The only reason I didn't read it in one rush was that I thought it would be a pity if I didn't have anything to read the next day.

After a while I began to worry about what Zack was doing. He was unusually quiet. So I finished the chapter 'Ludwig XVI. and the Estates-General' and walked over to the bedroom after I had carefully put a bookmarker to the page.

I don't know what I expected – probably I expected to find the room deserted, maybe a note from Zack that said he had remembered the old times and was re-exploring the vent. But I did not expect what I actually had to see, and for quite a long time after that I used to wish I had never found out.

My twin brother was lying on the floor with his head bent over something I couldn't see. He was humming to himself; it was a soft-pop love song I knew from the radio; it was called _1,2,3,4_. While I was still watching in amazement, he moved, giving me full view of a very lifelike painting… of me.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Ah... don't you just love cliffies??? *evil grin*


	6. Chapter 6

Hey guys!

Thank you all so much for the great revs! I love you...

Which is why here's the next chapter, just for you people who keep reading my story! GO YOU!

And let me warn you, this is a chapter that will probably cause arguments. Will you love it? Will you hate it? I have to say I have no idea. Maybe some will love it, maybe it will even make some cry, and others might laugh about how I write stupid stuff only a teenage girl could think of. But either way, you're gonna be needing a biiiig something. So make yourself a biiiiiiig cup of tea, get yourself a biiiiiig candy bar or whatever and READ!

Enjoy,

Coco

************************************** ZPOV*******************************************

„Zack!?"

The voice coming from somewhere behind me nearly gave me a heart attack. I jumped to my feet immediately – well, I tried to. Instead, I slipped on the pen I'd dropped and my head smashed against something hard… my bed, I assumed.

"Ow", I said and pressed both hands to where the pain came from. I'd hit the wood quite hard; I was probably going to have an impressive bump.

The pain distracted me for just a brief second before I hesitantly looked up to see who had entered the room. It was Cody, and for some stupid reason I actually felt better by just looking at him at first. He had the most angelic face and the most beautiful voice… even when he squeaked. Like he did now.

It wasn't till then that I started to wonder why he hadn't helped me. He wasn't looking at me but at something to my left. I closed my eyes, imploringly wishing that this was just a nightmare and I was going to wake up any moment. I didn't.

So I took a deep breath and opened my eyes again to see the face I loved, blemished by an expression of shock with a hint of horror to it, slowly turning into hysteria as his wide-eyed gaze finally met mine, no doubt looking just as horrified.

I desperately searched for an explanation, some lie that would make him feel like a fool for even briefly suspecting the truth. I had always considered myself a good liar, but now that I really needed a convincing story, my mind was completely blank.

After a minute of staring and back-staring, Cody spun around and ran out of the room. I let out a heavy sigh and got to my feet. After all, I wasn't really caught aback. Somewhere deep down, I'd known this would happen some time. Although I still didn't like it.

What was I supposed to do now? Go on like before, pretending everything was alright? Talk to him and tell him I loved him while he was screaming at me? Jump out the window? It all seemed like quite equally bad choices to me.

I ran my fingers trough my hair and let my hand rest in my neck. Dammit. Why did it have to be me? Why couldn't I just be a normal 15-year-old? Why had I had to move on from that crush on Maddie I'd once had? It had been embarrassing, right, but nothing compared to this.

It was very hard to make myself leave the room to find a deserted suite. Cody wasn't there. Maybe he'd gone to the library. He always went there when he wanted to avoid me, and it definitely worked.

***************************************CPOV******************************************

It took some time until I had calmed down enough that I was able to leave my hiding place behind the X/Y bookshelf without shouting at innocent people. I started walking around, taking a book from its shelf now and then, not even reading the titles.

When the first wave of horror was over, it left me feeling awfully fragile. I wanted so badly to press the 'stop' button on the TV, to shut the book and hide it at the very back of my shelf.

_You're hyperventilating__ over this_, I told myself. _Probably it doesn't mean anything. Probably he was just trying to prove someone he could draw. Probably he meant to do a self portrait and got it wrong._

That sounded like a rational explanation. It sounded like Zack. I was already feeling like an idiot for jumping to such a conclusion - Zack was weird sometimes, but not that weird…. So I told myself. But my subconscious kept telling me something entirely different, something I actually knew and just didn't want to face. And I could see its point.

Because there was something about the explanation that didn't work out. Since when did my brother listen to soft pop music, yet sing it? He owned a couple of CDs, and they were all full of macho-music… That '_Yeah, Babe' _kind of music. It fit him… unlike this new music.

The hysteria was taking control again, washing through me with cruel intensity. _No, no, no!_, I cried to myself, _Someone stop that!_ I tightened my grip and my fingers left deep marks in the cover of the book I was holding. I didn't even notice.

Suddenly, I was way beyond thinking rationally. There was no explanation for me to find. There was no 'stop' button to press. There was nothing but the inevitable truth – a truth I really didn't want to face. I wanted a lie! I wanted someone to lie to me, to tell me everything was okay.

I was thinking in circles, rationally, irrationally, rationally, irrationally. The horror didn't ever fade away. Instead, it seemed to grow stronger, and every time it came back it was more unbearable. But the periods of rationality got longer and thinking became easier. It was evening when I dared to go home.

*************************************** ZPOV******************************************

Mom totally freaked when I told her that I hadn't seen Cody since noon and had no idea where he'd gone; she was sick with worry that he might get beat again. She phoned all of his friends' mothers, even though she knew exactly that every single one of them would have called her minutes after Cody would have entered their houses.

She was about to call the police when he came back, a pile of educational-looking books in his arms. He threw me a nervous look, but besides that, he acted completely normal. I was really impressed by his acting ability; I hadn't known he had that much talent in him. He told Mom he had been to the library and forgotten time.

I noticed a few things about him that gave him away – how crossed his arms in front of his chest too tightly, how he didn't look at me often enough, how his jaw was too tense – but Mom didn't. Now that he was safe, she yelled at me until we were all nearly deaf. Then she made us dinner.

While we were eating – Cody nearly inhaled the food; he claimed he was hungry because he hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, but I could see he had to force it down – the two of us were very careful not to look at each other. I saw him flinch a few times and assumed that Mom's leg had touched his under the table. That stung.

Mom was chattering all the time, so all we had to do was to nod every now and then and look interested. After that, she had to leave for another show. When she was gone, Cody immediately escaped to our room so I had to do the dishes. It took me quite a long time because I wasn't used to it.

After that, I stood in the living room for a while, trying togather the courage to talk to Cody. When I noticed that I had started to chew on my nails I finally gave myself a kick in the butt and walked into the bedroom. When Cody noticed me, he looked at me with haunted eyes for a moment, then he got up, took his homework and left, muttering something about the light being better in the living room.

After a few minutes of sitting on my bed and continuing the nail-chewing, I got up and left again. I didn't look at my brother, even when I felt his eyes burning painful holes in my back. Instead, I grabbed a blanket and settled into the old chair on the balcony, closing the curtains and the glass door behind me so he didn't have to see or hear me.

I started shivering seconds after that, but I just wrapped the blanket tighter around myself and tried to think of something else. I felt bad for hindering Cody, and I wanted to help him avoid me. But thinking wasn't a good thing to do, as it only made me more aware of his presence behind the thin curtain.

So I started humming to myself again, nearly inaudibly. It was a harmless song this time, one that I had used to like some months ago.

_When you're sittin' on the top, it's hard to hear you from way up here_

_I saw you tryin' to act cute on TV; just let me clear the air, _

_We missed you on the charts last week,__ damn, that's right you wasn't there…_

The words and the rhythm brought memories with them, a lot of memories. Memories of Zack Martin. Of what I used to do, what I used to act like, what I used to be like. But yeah, it was memories now. I had changed. Maybe not in every way, but I was definitely someone else than I had been when I'd heard this song the last time.

As I sat out here, on the 23rd floor, stars twinkling above me, Boston twinkling beneath me, I felt the sudden urge to cry. I couldn't put my finger on the reason - I wasn't happy, of course, but I wasn't too sad either. Plus, I hadn't cried in _forever_. I was a big boy now. I didn't cry.

I tried to force the childish tears back into my eyes, but that didn't work. I had to use the back of my hand to wipe them away. I hated that; it felt like a symbol of weakness to me. I didn't want to be weak… but I was. Too weak to stand up for myself. Afraid to talk to my twin brother.

That thought made me angry. I wasn't afraid! I was… okay, well, I was afraid. Afraid of what he would say. Afraid to hear the words I'd heard so many times in my head. _You're such an idiot, Zack. You are disgusting. Honestly, Zack, you need to see a doctor. You're sick._

I bit my lower lip with such force that I tasted blood. I was a wimp, wasn't I? Even thinking of what Cody could possibly say made me cry… Only then did I realize that I was now definitelycrying. Silent tears were running down my cheeks. I wiped them away, but new tears followed.

Crap. I couldn't even seem to find the strength to be furious at myself for crying. I wrapped my arms around my legs and curled up into a tiny ball so I could press my face into the blanket to muffle the sound in case I started sobbing, too.

***************************************CPOV*****************************************

I couldn't concentrate on my homework. It was the first time ever, so it really irritated me. I wanted to work; I wanted to hide somewhere beneath forms and highly complicated charts, where my brother would never, ever find me or even come looking for me.

But all I could think about was him. I hated the thought of him sitting out there in the cold, with nothing but a thin blanket to warm him. But I really didn't feel like talking to him right now. Maybe he'd try to explain. Maybe he'd want to talk about it. I wasn't sure if I could deal with that yet.

Furthermore, he'd closed the curtains behind him so I couldn't see him. Probably he didn't want to talk to me at all. Probably he would be mad at me if I tried. Probably. It was a pleasing thought to think. I returned to my work half-heartedly with a slight feeling of guilt.

The glass door that led to the balcony seemed to call to me. _You are so egoistic._, it told me._ What kind of a brother are you, Cody? He'll catch his death of cold out there!_ And somehow I felt like there was something behind that door that needed to be seen by me. Something _I_ needed to see.

I finished my science essay and read it a second time. Just by scanning, I found so many mistakes it could have been Zack's. Oh. My. God. I couldn't leave it like that – that would jeopardize the A+ for science in my report card! With a sigh, I balled the essay up and threw it into the trash can.

I took another piece of paper and held my pen over it, but I couldn't think of a proper beginning. "Damn", I murmured and then gasped. Had I just cursed? Oh no. No, no, no no no. I was Cody Martin, the top student of the Buckner Middle School. I didn't curse. _Something_ was definitely exerting bad influence on me.

Finally, I got up and slowly crossed the room. By the time I reached the balcony door – it took me a very long time to get there – my whole body was trembling. I pressed my lips together and balled my fists. This was so ridiculous! I wasn't going anywhere dangerous. I was just going to speak to my twin brother!

Before I could change my mind, I removed the curtains and opened the door. It squeaked quietly, but Zack didn't react in any way. I wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad sign. I was grateful for the temperature that was so cold it gave me a good excuse for why I was shivering.

My brother was curled up in a ball on the ancient chair mom had placed there in order to throw it away some day. His head was resting on his knees, face turned away from me. He looked… helpless. Breakable. Something inside my chest ached at the sight.

"Zack," I whispered.

He didn't move at all. I grabbed his shoulder and shook him gently. "Zack!"

This time, he jumped and turned his head around. When he saw me, he turned it away again and I was strangely grateful for that. I took a small step back.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"How do you think I feel?" He snapped. His voice was defiant, but I noticed a hint of something else in it. I bit my lip. Okay, stupid question.

"Mm… You want to come in? You'll freeze to death out here, you know."

He snorted. "Ain't gonna disturb you," he said. "You finish whatever it is you're doing."

"You'll come in here right now or I'll make you!" I threatened.

"Oh, _now_ I'm afraid!" He said sarcastically, shivering exaggeratedly. At that point, he'd gotten me mad again.

"Fine! Then stay here and become an icicle. I care not!" I turned around and stumped towards the door.

Suddenly I heard his voice from behind me. It was different from before – unsure, fearful, like a frightened child. "Cody?"

I froze. There was no way ignoring this kind of voice, especially not when it was your twin brother who was talking. "Yes?"

"Please… don't go. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to annoy you. Please, stay."

Who was I to leave him alone now? I sat down on one of the armrests hesitantly. He moved away from me to sit at the opposite edge of the chair. I frowned, but when he moved, something lighted his face and I gasped, completely distracted.

"You cried!" Well, _that _was a bad sign. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd seen him cry, but I was sure it had been a long, long time ago. I waited for a defiant 'Did not!', but it didn't come. There was another brief flash of light and I noticed that his eyes were all red. I reached out to hug him, but he got up and moved towards the wall where I couldn't see his face in the shadows.

Now, that was odd. Wasn't I supposed to be the one flinching away from him? I frowned again. "Why won't you let me touch you?" I wanted to know. He'd never been bothered by such things before. What was this about?

He stared at me. "I'm not forcing any contact on you, neither social nor physical." His voice had changed again. It sounded hard now, with a decent touch of dry bitterness to it.

"But we're twins!" I argued. "It'll be pretty hard to avoid contact, don't you think?"

"Yeah, well, I guess there isn't much we can do about school. Maybe we can ask somebody to switch places in the few classes we sit next to each other," He replied. I studied his face but didn't find anything that would have told me he was joking. He looked perfectly serious, and that scared me.

"Why the… Zack, why do you want to avoid me? I'm sure we can find another solution!" I really didn't understand what his behavior meant.

"Me?" For some reason, he seemed to find that incredibly funny. He even laughed, but it wasn't the happy laugh I was used to. It was bitter, like the voice. I didn't like it at all. "I don't want to avoid you, Cody! _You_'re the one who wants to avoid _me_!" He claimed. I shook my head in incomprehension.

"I don't want to avoid you," I told him. "Why would I want that? You are my twin brother and I love you!" I realized my mistake the moment the words left my mouth, but his expression didn't change in the slightest.

"I mean," I continued hastily, "I don't… I wouldn't… You…" Since I sensed I wasn't helping, I moved on. "Look, I know there is a… problem, but it'll be okay. I'm not saying it will be easy, especially not for you, I guess, but there's got to be a way. Listen, Zack, I've once told you that we'd always stick together, no matter what happened. That I'd always be there for you… And I meant that. I don't care what happens. I don't care what others would think if they knew. I just don't want to lose you!"

"You don't understand, do you? You don't understand what I did. You…" His voice trailed off and he closed his eyes for a moment. Then he opened them and looked straight at me. "Cody, I love you. No, wait," He added when I wanted to say something, "That's not the right word. It's… Oh, damn, Cody, I'm _in love with you_!"

Time seemed to stop. I swallowed hard, once, twice. I had tried to prepare myself for this moment. I had tried to imagine it before. But it turned out I was completely unprepared. Hearing him speak the words… It made them so _final_. I struggled to keep my face smooth.

"Yes", I said, trying to sound normal. "I know. I mean, not only now. You see, I think I've known it for a long time. It's not like I'm totally surprised. You've been a little… weird during the last months and I was already wondering… But I'd never have…"

He locked his eyes to mine in a painful, merciless way. He seemed to see everything_._ Everything I had ever thought or felt. _Everything_. Now he would see my shock, my stupid prejudices, and he would hate me. His eyes were hard as ice.

And then he smiled.

It wasn't the smug smile I had seen so many thousand times. It wasn't the huge grin he used to smile when he saw something he liked, mostly girls. It was a small, shy smile, and yet it seemed to light his face up from the inside.

"You don't hate me?" He said it unbelievingly, but you could hear how much he wanted to believe it. "You don't think I'm … _sick_?" His eyes now looked like they had melted. I could see that he tried to contain his reaction, but it still showed. Maybe I just knew him too well.

"_No!_" I assured him. "Did you really think I'd _hate_ you just because of that?"

When he dropped his eyes to the ground, his face expressing half contriteness, half overflowing happiness, I stepped forward to wrap my arms around him once again. This time, he let it happen, and I felt hesitant arms around my torso. For some reason, it didn't feel strange at all. I had never felt so right before.

**********************************************************

Soo....???? *annoying London-voice* Did'ya love it? Did'ya hate it?


	7. Chapter 7

******************************After the Confession 1 – ZPOV******************************

The next days were… I don't have a word to describe it. Awkward? That isn't really it, but it's the closest one I can find. We were pretending and we were no good at it. Okay, so we were good enough to fool Mom and everybody else. But we couldn't fool ourselves, or each other.

I knew exactly what Cody was feeling and I knew that he knew what I was feeling. Even though I didn't even know what I was feeling. Confusing, isn't it? All of my thoughts were like that these days. Confused.

I knew Cody didn't want to talk about it and I was pretty sure I didn't want that either, so we didn't mention anything that might have become touchy. Unfortunately, there was no way to keep myself from thinking about it, so I spent a lot of time on that.

By 'it', I mean many things. The way I felt about my twin brother. The fact that this was no longer my secret. The way he had reacted to my 'confession'. The silent question of how I – we – were going to deal with everything. My brain was busier than it had ever been before.

So, I was in love with my brother. I had accepted that a long time ago. It had not been easy, sure, but I was okay with myself now. There were many gay guys out there, and even though I was a little bit more than just gay, I knew it must be bearable.

The part that really troubled me was that Cody knew. I had never meant him to find out. I had planned on suppressing it and wait for it to go away. A long, long time after that, so I had thought to myself, maybe I would have told him and we would have laughed about the crazy things puberty can do to you. It had always been a 'maybe', remote future. That was over now.

His reaction had caught me completely off guard. Yeah, I had not meant to tell him, but I had had countless nightmares about him finding out. In my imagination, he had always been disgusted, told me he didn't want to be my brother anymore. That would have been hard, but I would have been prepared.

I had _not _been prepared for what had actually happened. He'd said he didn't hate me. He'd said he still loved me and promised we would always stick together. But his words weren't important, after all. Important was how he hadn't flinched away from me, how there had been no lie in his eyes. The memory still made my heart go all 'wooh'.

And the question… I couldn't seem to find an answer, no matter how hard I tried. There was no answer to be found. There was no solution in this case. This was unexplored land, and when you had come to accept that you were in love with your brother, common ethics sort of lost their meaning.

Cody acted like nothing had happened and I felt that he tried to make it easier – but not for himself. For _me_. Cody knew what it was like to love someone who would never love you back, and he had this incredibly gentle nature that made him care about everybody. And I wasn't just anybody to him.

I was so grateful that I couldn't bear violating his attempt. But there were things I couldn't help, and I knew he noticed. My body was a traitor, and so were my heart and soul. He noticed my face lighting up whenever I saw him. He noticed the goose bumps on my skin as we touched. He noticed the dark rings under my eyes that came from not sleeping.

All these things made him feel bad, guilty. I could have slapped myself every single time.

******************************After the confession 2 – CPOV *******************************

I had never been very good an actor, or a liar. Now, just like that, my entire life had become a big, fat lie. I hated it.

Not that I blamed Zack. Well, I did blame him sometimes, in the dark hours in our bedroom when I couldn't sleep because his silence that indicated he was awake rang louder than his usual snores. But I knew I shouldn't have, and I felt guilty for it. It was his fault no more than mine. All we could do was to wait until this nightmare was over.

Did I say nightmare? That was wrong. It wasn't a nightmare. Of course it was weird, awkward, and just… _trouble_. But it didn't feel nearly as wrong as it should have. This scared me, almost more than everything else: That it had not been like I knew Zack had expected. That I was not disgusted. That I didn't hate him. It _was_ scary.

We were acting all day, and that was bad enough. Nighttime was even worse. At night, I was all alone with myself and my brother who I knew to be wide alert but who preferred to pretend like he was sleeping. He couldn't fool me, though. His breath came too fast and he lay too still.

I was quite good at distracting myself from things. I had plenty to think about all day, and I chose mostly things that were so complicated it was impossible to think of anything else at the same time. At night, I had to face the forbidden thoughts; there weren't enough mathematical problems in the world to cover all that time.

I never had rings under my eyes like Zack, so I guess I must have had much more sleep than him; most of my dreams were nightmares, though. There was not one particular dream that returned over and over again, but many, completely different from each other – monsters, dead family members and the kind where nothing happens but somehow you have a strange feeling of panic.

After a while, Mom realized something was wrong. She started nagging us to tell her what our problem was, and lucky Zack came up with some convincing lie; I think it was about promotion and how he was scared to fail and I was worrying about a possible B in Spanish. She bought it.

It took some time, but about two weeks after that fateful day, it got better. I could sleep, and I could take part in a conversation effortlessly. Now and then, I would even think about Zack and me without any unwanted feeling. I guess you might say I was over it.

Zack wasn't.

He stole Mom's make-up to hide the rings. He used his amazing lying and acting ability to go back to picking on me like he'd used to. He started turning his head for girls again. But he didn't sleep. His gaze was apologetic when he played a prank on me. He cared about the girls even less than usual.

One day, we were at the park with Max and Bob. While Bob was getting ice cream for the three of us and Max was having a fight with another girl, our hands touched accidentally. He jumped and folded his arms over his chest almost casually.

Suddenly, I felt a wave of compassion, and from that compassion I drew the courage I had been looking for during the past two weeks. I reached out and gently placed my hand on his shoulder. He didn't flinch this time. I took it as a good sign.

"Cody?" He said and turned around, shaking my hand off him. "What is it?"

It was so hard to make myself go on. I would just let it go…

"Don't say it's nothing. I won't buy that." I raised one eyebrow, and then sighed.

"I just realized that this is… not the place to talk about what I wanted to talk about." My sentences always become a bit strange when I am nervous. Being my twin brother, Zack knew me too well.

"You're nervous." He stated. Then he smirked and asked: "Are you nervous because of what I'm thinking could be making you nervous?" Obviously, he was experiencing the same issues.

"What _are_ you thinking?"

"You know."

"Yeah", I sighed, answering both question and statement. "We need to talk, and we both know it."

"Not here," He agreed.

"See," I said.

He laughed. "So we'll talk. Later."

That was when Bob came back with ice cream for four and I went to save Max from being eaten by that girl (and the ice cream from melting before being eaten by us). When we came back, Bob and Zack were already fighting about who was going to have strawberry and who chocolate.

************************************Sydney – ZPOV*************************************

In the end, Bob and I decided to share both flavors so each of us would be able to judge the quality of the new parlor's ice cream as accurately as possible. We were done long before Cody and Max, so I quickly leaned over and stole some of Cody's pineapple ice cream with my bright yellow plastic spoon.

When he glared at me, I grinned widely and patted my stomach. "De'ishous!" He rolled his eyes and took a step away from me, shielding his cream with one hand. In an attempt to annoy him, I jumped forward, causing him to turn around and –

- run. Right into a bunch of girls who were standing just a few yards away from us. They looked about ayear younger than us, even though it was obvious that they had spent _hours _in front of a mirror putting on make-up so they'd look older.

Cody stumbled back and he would have fallen if he hadn't been caught by a pretty brunette. She had large brown eyes and a stunning smile and, as much as I hated to admit it, she was really cute. Cody blinked in confusion and smiled back at her a little awkwardly. It made me want to puke.

Suddenly, I felt as if I had been set on fire. Jealousy was ripping through me with such force it nearly knocked me off my feet. I couldn't stand looking at them, but I couldn't seem to take my eyes off Cody's face either. Why did he have to be so beautiful? Why did she have to be so cute? And why the hell did I have to be so jealous?

I turned my head away with a sudden, harsh gesture, mumbled something to Bob that could be interpreted as anything and hurried back to the crowd before the ice cream parlor to hide in it. On one hand, the others couldn't see me now, but on the other hand, I was having a hard time controlling my arms and legs, which kept trying to hit the people around me.

Instead, I smashed my hand against my own forehead, again and again, until the pain in both body parts was strong enough to deal with that inside me that was already fading away, anyway. I waited until I had regained full control of myself before I stepped out of the crowd again.

I was both nauseated and relieved when I saw that Max and Bob were alone. I walked over to our tree and joined them on the floor, successfully keeping my fingers from tugging at the grass. They didn't ask me where I had been; probably they assumed I'd seen somebody and talked to them.

"So," Bob asked after a while of talking to Max and letting my get away with just 'hm's and 'yeah's, "What do you think of that girl?"

"What girl?" I asked innocently although I could feel new emotion rising.

Max rolled her eyes. "_Cody's _girl. Sydney."

So that was her name. _Sydney_. Stupid name. _Cody's girl_. More stupid name. "Oh." I said. "Her." When they continued looking at me as if waiting for something else, I told them: "I've seen her once. I haven't heard her speak one word. How am I supposed to know what I think of her?"

Bob looked at me like I had suddenly grown antennae. "Who are you and what have you done to Zack Martin?" He finally managed to ask. I just shrugged. "I fed him to my friend Bigfoot," I told him.

"Bigfoot doesn't eat people…" Max said.

I shrugged again. "Mine does!" She shook her head and murmured "Boys…," which brought her a punch from Bob. "Who's the one who knows who or what Bigfoot eats?"

"I am just capable of opening a book now and then," Max snapped and punched him back. "You know, that couldn't hurt you two, either!"

Bob and I yawned and made the same bored gesture with one hand. Max gave each of us a poisonous look before turning her back on us demonstratively. Bob looked at me with a strange expression.

"So, Zack," He tried again, "Don't you think she's hot?"

I forced a grin on my face as I said: "You bet she is! Young Cody's lucky! We've taught him so well…" Bob seemed pleased with that and gave me High Five.

"They grow up so fast…" He sighed and I laughed, hoping he wouldn't notice how forced the laugh was.

***********************************Sydney – CPOV*************************************

I came back to the others about fifteen minutes later, without Sydney. I had bought here another ice cream – vanilla flavor – and we'd had a great time. She was very sweet and a bit naïve, which I found incredibly cute. Strangely, she actually seemed to think I was funny.

So obviously I was in a very good mood when I returned. Bob and Max jumped immediately when they saw me and started to ask me questions, but I didn't pay much attention to them. I was too focused on Zack, who got up far too slowly and was nowhere near as enthusiastic as he was supposed to be.

"Did you kiss her?" Bob asked eagerly. I answered by glaring at him. Bob sighed. "There still is so much you need to learn, boy…" He said. Zack nodded and added: "I think there is more work left than we imagined…" "Naw," Bob shook his head, "He's a hopeless case!"

Now Max was the one glaring at Bob. "At least Cody doesn't start hitting on a girl right after he meets her!" She snapped. "He knows that a relationship needs time to grow!" Then she turned around and smiled at me. "So, are you together?" When I shook my head, she sighed.

"Cody, you really ought to get better at that speed thing!" She told me.

Zack cocked his head to one side. "Didn't you just say something about 'grow-time'?" All three of us looked at her in confusion.

"You need to find an appropriate compromise." She said and, considering her tone, I wouldn't have been surprised at all had she added a London-like 'duh'.

"And how much time of growing seems appropriate to you before getting to second base?"

She shrugged. "A couple of dates?"

Zack grimaced, and then said: "Sorry, that doesn't work for me!" Bob nodded in agreement.

Max rolled her eyes again. "Why am I not surprised?"

Zack grinned smugly, but when his gaze met mine, I sensed a great tension lurking behind his smile. He quickly looked away, but it was no use. Every single one of his movements was tense, deliberate, and unnatural.

We stayed at the park for about one more hour, then Zack and I went back to the Tipton and Bob came along. Without talking about it, both of us chose to take the stairs to avoid the silence in the elevator, so when we reached our suite, we were gasping.

Mom wasn't there, no note. Probably she was just off to the supermarket to buy tonight's food. Considering that she could be back any minute, I took a chance as soon as we could breathe normally again.

"So," I said very intelligently. "We have to talk."

"I remembered." He sat down on the sofa, pulling me next to him. "So?"

"Zack…" I began hesitantly, not knowing how to phrase this; "We can't go on like this, right? I can see that … _it_ is eating you, and that's eating me. What are we going to do about this?"

He looked at me blankly. Then he made an odd little sound and leaned back into the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. "I don't know," He finally whispered. "I've been thinking about it all the time, and not only for the last two weeks. I can't see a solution. I am sorry for making you feel bad; I wish you hadn't found out. _You_ shouldn't have to suffer…"

I frowned, even though he could not see that. "Don't you be sorry," I told him. "How is something like this ever anyone's fault? Besides… Apologies is not what I want to hear right now. What we need is a strategy!"

"Well, first things first, we have to make sure nobody figures out. Maybe I'll go get myself a girlfriend." His voice changed at the last word, becoming hard and bitter.

"Zack?" I asked and he looked back at me. "Are you… alright?"

"Sure," he answered. For a while, there was no sound but the low humming of the refrigerator. Eventually, he opened his mouth again, trying to sound casual. "This girl, Sydney… You do like her, don't you? _Like her _like her?"

"Yeah…" I said carefully and looked at his feet so I didn't have to see his face. "I guess I do. She's sweet, and smart, and… oh, Zack, who do you think you're kidding, you so don't want to hear this!"

He glared at me. "'Course I wonna know if my twin brother is serious about a girl! I mean, I know you – you get in a relationship, it could last for _years_! Maybe you'll even get married!" His tone was perfectly normal, and so was his gaze. I was really impressed.

"Let's not get carried away," I interrupted him. "This is absurd. We're not even dating!"

"Yet," Zack said jokingly. "By the way… you did remember to ask for her number, didn't you?" When I nodded proudly, he seemed honestly relieved, and again I couldn't help but admire his acting. I was absolutely sure I couldn't have done this.

There as another minute of silence. Then I said: "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything," He answered and I knew he was serious. What was the point in hiding something from me now that I knew his one secret?

"How long?" I tried to make it as short as possible, not giving my voice a chance to tremble. "You know – before…"

He didn't answer at first, and I was already afraid that he didn't understand my question or didn't want to answer it. Finally, he said: "I don't quite know. I mean, it was not like waking up and BOOM…. About four months, I guess, though."

I swallowed. That made four and a half months now. Poor Zack. How come I had been oblivious to his feelings for me for all that time? What kind of brother was I?

Mom came back right then and the rest of the day was over before I knew it. When I went to bed, I briefly thought that we still hadn't come up with anything, but I was too tired for any more worrying.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey, guys!

It's been quite a while, eh? But now I've finally finished and voila – I present you a new chapter of Break the Law. Not too much Zack/Cody action, but there is another new character – my personal favorite, so grab those cookies and get reading! (And no, Nora's not me, or anyone I know.)

*************************************ZPOV*********************************

The last days had been bad. The next few days were worse.

Cody did not take Sydney out – I was sure of that because he wasn't that good an actor; he couldn't have hidden his guilt from me. We never talked about her after that night, but she was still _there_. She was there in the way we were determined not to mention her, in the way Cody's eyes would zone out of focus every now and then. She was present in my head all the time because I knew that she was in Cody's, and during the dark hours in our bedroom I felt like I could hear the sound of her annoyingly perfect laughter float ghostly through the room, escaped from his dreams.

Every thought of her came with a bunch of nasty feelings – sadness, anger, bitterness, hatred, and guilt. At first, the hatred was most prominent, but as the days passed, they all got drowned in the guilt that increased every time I looked at my twin.

It was the evening of the fifth day when I finally couldn't take it anymore.

"Just call her, won't you?"

Mom was in the kitchen, working on something that smelled disgustingly healthy. I could almost physically feel her attention stir, although she kept silent. Cody looked up from his homework. I seriously didn't know where he always got all that homework from - I wondered whether he actually asked the teachers to give him extra work.

"Call who?" He asked, with an unwilling, almost unnerved undertone to his voice, and a different question written in his eyes. _What are you doing?_

I hated having to say her name. "Sydney" I said, trying to sound as indifferent as possible although saying it made me feel a bit sick. Behind me, Mom had now realized her silence was getting rather obvious and went back to making typical cooking noises.

"Hmm…" said Cody, looking back at his homework and scribbling something.

"You didn't ask for her number after all, did you, chicken?"

He ignored me. I frowned, and then decided that a little teasing wouldn't hurt; I had already gone a dangerously long time without teasing him, anyway.

"Or did you ask for it, but she didn't want to give it to you?" His mouth twisted, but he still stayed silent. "That's it, right? Well, can't blame her, I guess; she's already been doing way enough charity work by hanging out with you…" Damn, when had he become so good at this? It used to take way less to piss him off! "I mean, you can't expect her to go out with a dork, especially one with a face like…"

"Zack!" Mom interrupted me. "Stop insulting your brother! He's a fine boy any girl would be lucky to date."

"Thank you, Mom", said Cody. _Yeah, thank you very much, Mom. I mean, I might have managed to forget for like a split second. Can't let that happen._ "And Zack, I would appreciate it if you left my love life up to me!"

I felt like I had been punched right in the stomach, but I pulled myself together and successfully resisted the temptation to let the matter go. I didn't want to go back to the guilt. I couldn't take it. All the other feelings in my chest were already eating me up; I had to get rid of the only one I could.

"That's my point, brother-dear", I forced myself to say. The involuntarily bitter way the nickname sounded from my lips seemed to remain long after the word itself had faded, leaving a bad taste to the air, like metal. I went on quickly.

"You don't _have _a love life. You're _unable_ to get a girlfriend on your own!"

Cody opened his mouth, but Mom was faster. "Stop it right now, Zack!" She said, waving her spoon at me. "Cody's right. Plus, your own love life is not too busy, either, is it, so maybe you shouldn't be handing out advice!"

This time, the punch was hard enough to make me throw up. All those pent-up emotions that had been boiling inside me suddenly rose, burning my insides as they went, erasing every reasonable thought in my mind. I wanted to turn around and scream at Mom so loudly she would spill whatever it was she was cooking. I wanted to tell her that she had no idea, that she would never have the faintest idea of just how overstrained my "love life" really was. To be honest, I was tempted to abandon all caution and throw the ugly truth into her face, just for the satisfaction of watching it drop.

What kept me from doing so were Cody's eyes which were burning their way into my head. There was plea in them, sorrow, fear and despair, so intense that it nearly struck me down.

I felt like my head and chest were about to explode. After a minute, I jumped up, stamped towards the door, nearly ripped off the handle in an attempt to open it, and slammed it shut so hard that the bang must have been audible in the entire hotel.

***********************************CPOV**********************************

After Zack's exit, Mom and I were very silent for a few seconds, staring at each other in shock as the bang of the door resounded in our heads. Then, we simultaneously made for the door. I was there first, ripped it open and jumped out into the hallway. There was no sign of my twin.

"Zack!" I called, figuring it was already too late to worry about disturbing the guests. "Zack!"

Behind me, Mom had reached the door. "Come back, Honey!" She cried. "I'm sorry!" No answer.

I stormed towards the stairs while she ran down the hallway and round the corner, knowing it was probably pointless. Whenever Zack had wanted to outrun me, I'd never stood a chance against him. He was just too fast.

I passed floor after floor, hitting all the elevator buttons I could get my hands on and calling Zack's name. I was afraid. Zack was obviously steamed, and I knew him well enough to know what he was capable of doing in this state. He would get himself hurt. Or arrested.

I was in panic by the time I reached the lobby. I briefly scanned the room, ran to the hotel door, glanced around, then ran back to the middle of the lobby where I came to a halt, gasping, waving my arms and shouting "Zack!".

Maddie was by my side in a matter of seconds. "Cody!" She grabbed my wrists before I could accidentally hit her and shoved me into a chair before she examined me with a worried look on her face. "What happened?"

I was panting so hard I couldn't answer – I really wasn't a sports guy. When I had regained access to human language, I spit out: "Seen Zack?" Maddie frowned. "No, not since you guys came back from school together." Her frown got more intense. "What happened, Cody?"

I shrugged. "Dunno," I lied. "He just got mad. Ran away."

She stared at me. Then she collapsed onto the chair next to mine. "Shit," She said, still staring at me. "Remember what happened last time?"

I grimaced in horror at the memory. "That sure was the angriest nun I've ever seen!" "Lucky you," Maddie stated, "You would not believe the way all that black and white makes a red face glow…" Her eyes started to zone out. "And the stunning variety of curses that consist only of sacred words…"

"Maddie," I said, then louder: "Maddie?" I waved a hand in front of her face. She jumped and looked at me in a somewhat disoriented way. "Huh?" "There is an angry Zack loose in Boston. _FOCUS_!"

"Okay, okay", She said, raising her hands in surrender. "Well, have you tried ringing his cell phone?" I stared at her, quite puzzled. That thought hadn't even briefly occurred to me. "Um… no?"

Maddie sighed and dug out her cell from under her skirt. When she noticed my bewildered gaze, she smirked. "I've sewed in a few pockets so I can hide stuff from Moseby. Want some gum?" I declined, so she shrugged and put some into her mouth before handing me the cell phone. I typed in Zack's number and put it to my ear – just to drop it seconds later.

"Apparently, 'The big Zack-o is on a mission to save the planet from giant green monkeys and can't afford to waste his valuable time' with me." Despite of the seriousness of our situation, Maddie started to giggle.

"Is that his mailbox message?" I nodded, frowning. "Like, seriously?" The giggling turned into laughter. I gave her my most crushing glare. "How can you be laughing? We have a problem here!"

But Maddie just kept on laughing harder and harder while I sat there in fascination and watched her slowly slide off her chair. When she hit the floor and still didn't stop chuckling, I looked around for help and spotted a large pile of towels that was zig-zag-ing through the lobby.

"Lance!" I called just before he could hit the deserted candy counter. The towels halted and a muffled voice shouted: "I'll save you! – Just wait a second!" As most of the towels were placed on the counter, a curly head appeared above them. He saw us, shouted "Maddie!", ran over and dropped to his knees, getting ready for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

That was when he noticed that she was not actually unconscious but merely giggling uncontrollably, which he watched with a rather bemused expression.

"Dude," He said, "What's up with her?"

"I don't know!" I yelled. "Get her to stop! This isn't funny! Zack ran away and is probably damaging windows or setting free zoo animals or causing a major traffic jam right now, so get her to _stop_! – Please?" I added after taking a breath.

Lance half-heartedly poked Maddie in the side with his left foot which made her laugh even harder. "Sorry, I don't think we covered this in first-aid-class…" He stopped short. "Do you think she's having an attack? She's asthmatic, right?"

I frowned. "Wouldn't that make her cough, not laugh?" "_Right_" said Lance. "Good point." He hesitated. "Should I still give her the kiss of life?"

While I was still trying to figure out whether he was being ignorant, desperate, or just stupid, Nia passed by. "Oh, she'll be fine" she said. "That's just Maddie's way of dealing with overstraining situations." When we eyed her somewhat doubtfully, she nodded earnestly to confirm her statement. "I've seen her do that before. Like when Uncle Marion asked her to teach London about cubic parabolas… Or that one time her brother set a tarantula free in their apartment… Ooh, that reminds me, I gotta go feed Harry!"

I stifled a yelp. "You have a tarantula?" Nia shook her head. "Nope, sadly," She said with a look of actual regret. "Harry's a goldfish. Uncle Marion wouldn't let me have so much as a teensy weensy spider. _But_ - I'm not giving up!" And with a last wink, she hurried on.

We looked at each other for a moment. Then, Lance held out his arm. "Towel?"

**********************************ZPOV************************************

I ran.

The cold night wind felt good in my face. I had no idea where I was heading, and I didn't care. I just kept running down street after street, not giving a damn whether I was on the sideway or not.

After a while, I couldn't have told whether it had been minutes or hours, my sides started to ache, but I was terrified to stop or slow down. Something was chasing me, but I figured that as long as I was fast enough, I wouldn't have to face it. It felt like I was running through a tunnel with walls of blurred colors and nothing in it but my pounding heart and my feet hitting the floor in a frantic rhythm. Yet somehow I knew it was a fragile condition that could protect me only as long as I was running and would shatter the moment I stopped, leaving me to deal with whatever it was that I was fleeing from. So I ran, and ran, and ran.

Time started to blur just like the world around me. Even the pain in my body didn't bother me anymore, although I could feel it clearly. It simply seemed unimportant, distant, like it belonged to a stranger. I guess that was as close as I ever got to understanding Einstein's theory of relativity.

As you can imagine, I was pretty damn caught off guard when my foot hit something hard and I fell, being pulled out of my dream-like state violently.

When I collided with the ground, the shock of it went through my entire body, leaving every part of it aching equally. I couldn't tell up from down, couldn't think or wonder or _care_. It was as if I had no brain, as if I were all body, hurting, throbbing body, that is.

It took a few moments for the shock and most of the pain to fade, making room for other things – breathing, for instance. There was new pain when my lungs demanded the air they had been deprived of.

As the oxygen came flowing in, my brain jumped into work mode again. I could now distinguish different degrees of pain in different body parts. My right arm and leg hurt the most, followed by the other leg and the right half of my face, which suggested that I had tried to shield my body with my arms and was now lying on my right side.

I was a little afraid to move in case something was broken, but I figured that not moving would hardly help, so I might as well find out.

I had just come to this conclusion when yet another sensation was added to the mess that my brain was still struggling to make sense of: there was a light pressure on my left side and shoulder. It was not painful, though, but warm and gentle… _comforting_.

"Oh gosh, are you okay?" The words were coming from behind… no, _above _me. There was a great deal of emotion in the voice speaking, but my overstrained mind was too busy to read it.

Wanting to see who was talking to me, I braced myself and started to roll over, ignoring my protesting limbs. The hands supported my efforts until I was raised in a half-sitting position. Here I stopped, because a wave of nausea washed through me and it took all the will power I could scrape up not to puke. Only when I had managed to regain control over my stomach, I finally dared to look up.

A girl was kneeling on the sidewalk, probably a little older than me. She was pretty, I mused – not exactly beautiful, but still pretty. She had dark blonde, short hair and grey eyes that were wide with worry. This reminded me of her question. I wondered what I should tell her. Was I okay? I wriggled my arms and legs carefully. They were hurting badly, but at least I could move them, so that was good, right?

"I think so…" I finally said.

The girl ran her eyes quickly down my body before looking back at my face with her eyebrows pulled together and one of them slightly raised. "Well, you _look_ awful", she told me forthrightly. For some reason, this made me want to laugh. I wasn't taking any risks, though, so I just gave a weak smile and started to tug at my right trouser leg, which was ripped and blood-stained.

What became visible underneath was not pretty. My knee and the upper half of my shin were covered in blood and dirt. "Ouch!" The girl drew a sharp breath. "Okay, you stay here. Don't move; I'll be right back." She got up and walked away, giving me the opportunity to do a quick check-up.

My left leg looked better than the right one; it had only a scratch and bruise on it. The sleeves of my sweater were torn, though, showing more bleeding, filthy scratches. The rest of me was just dirty… oh, and apparently, I was becoming my usual self again, because I chuckled quietly at the double-entendre. All things considered, it could've been worse.

It could definitely have been better, though, I decided when I tried to get up and my head and stomach revolted furiously, forcing me to slump right back down while taking deep, slow breaths until the world stopped spinning.

That's when the girl came back. She was holding a bunch of pads in one hand and a bottle of water in the other which she held out to me. I didn't understand, so I simply stared at it and then at the girl's face cluelessly.

Despite my idiocy, she smiled at me. Something about that smile distracted me, but it took me a moment to figure out: She was actually smiling with her whole face, every single muscle in it participating to create an expression that was purely kind and friendly.

Man, I must be really messed up, I realized. I had never reflected on an expression for so long in all my life. I was so distracted that I completely missed her explanation; by the time I realized I was supposed to listen and started to pay attention, she was done.

However, from the way she was gesturing in the direction of my bad leg, I guessed she wanted me to wash it, which seemed like some pretty good thinking. I took the water bottle from her hand and opened it, then I moved it toward the leg, glancing at her face to see if I had guessed right.

She mistook my hesitation for fear. "That's still water", she said reassuringly. "It won't hurt too much." There it was again, the smile that was so perfectly kind that it totally kept me from feeling ashamed for making her think I was afraid.

Cautiously, I poured some of the water over the wounds. It sent a surge of pain through the whole leg, but I was prepared. Using the tabs that she had handed me, I wiped blood and dirt off my skin so we could examine the actual damage.

Bruises were beginning to form pretty much everywhere, and the top skin layer on my knee was almost completely scraped off. Bright red blood was already oozing out of the wounds again, running over the bruises. So, basically, it was kind of like my usual post-fight condition.

My remaining limbs turned out to look quite similar, except with less blood and more bruises. Everything still hurt like hell, but I felt a lot better now that I knew it was nothing serious.

When I was done washing, I wanted to give the near-empty bottle and what was left of the tabs back to the girl, but she shook her head. "You need to clean your face", she said. "You look pretty scary, you know."

Obediently, I began to wipe my forehead. When I checked the pad after a few wipes, I was all but black with filth. I briefly wondered where it all came from – after all, I hadn't landed in anything… or had I?

Slightly panicked, I stared at the girl. "What is that on my face?" I asked, as calmly as possible. She merely smiled in a mysterious fashion and reached out to take bottle and tabs from me. She started pouring water on a fresh tab and I realized what she was doing. I felt revulsion at such a gesture, even though I knew that there was nothing intimate about the situation.

Either way, when she half-raised her hand and asked "May I?", I could hardly have said _No_, now could I? So I shrugged and allowed her to lean over and remove the … whatever-it-was from my face.

When I was not the one doing the job, the sharp pain that occurred whenever the water came in touch with even a small scratch was much harder to ignore. I clenched my teeth and of course, I did not make a sound, but was very glad when she put down the last pad and declared that I was now acceptably clean.

"I'm Nora, by the way", she said when she was done. Again, her words were accompanied by her signature ultra-friendly smile. "I'm Zack", I answered, carefully raising my right arm to shake her hand. I was talking slowly and minimizing my body language to keep the nausea out. "I'd smile at you but my face won't quite cooperate". She grinned.

"So… Thanks a lot for stopping and helping and… you know…" I wasn't happy with the way those the words came out. Apparently, my speech department was still a little shaken. I felt like I needed to say something more. "Hey… Can I like, buy you a drink or something in return?" I glanced down the street, thinking that this plan might be hard to put into action: We were clearly in a residential area; there was no sign of a pub or a bar or even a restaurant.

However, I needn't have worried. "Thanks, but No Thanks", the girl – Nora – said apologetically. "I've only had my driver's license for half a year and I'd like to keep it for a little longer. I appreciate the gesture, though." And again with the smiling! There was no way I could have felt rejected or taken her decline personally.

A small silence grew between us as I took another glance at our surroundings which I had only now begun to take in. I also began to feel a little queasy as I had to admit to myself that I didn't have a clue were we were. I could have sworn I'd never seen any of these buildings before.

"Um… Where are we?" I asked, aware of how stupid and cliché I sounded. Nora's expression became a bit worried. "Dwarson Lane", she told me. Only that didn't help me at all. "Boston?" she added, now more than just a bit worried. This name I recognized, but it wasn't exactly helpful either. I bit my lip.

Nora frowned. "Okay… So, do you remember where you live?" Gosh, I felt so incredibly stupid! Like a child that had gone missing and couldn't find his way back to Mommy. "At the Tipton Hotel," I answered and noticed with relief that recognition flashed across her face before being replaced by an even deeper frown. "How did you get here? Do you remember?"

"I ran," I said plainly. Nora's eyebrows went up her forehead. "That's more than five miles from here!" I shrugged. "I must have run further than I thought". She looked at me doubtfully but didn't question my answer. Instead, she asked: "Do you think you can even walk?"

That was a very good question, and although I wasn't keen on another attempt of getting up and having my stomach perform a break-dance routine, I knew I had to give it a try. So I took Nora's hands that she was holding out to me and allowed her to pull to me up.

As soon as I was standing, legs far apart for some stability, I wanted nothing more but to sit down again. My head and stomach were being nasty little assholes and the rest of the world wasn't much better: It was blurred and fuzzy and the ground was moving as if determined to throw me over.

It took a few moments to get used to all this since I was actually quite busy _not _doing things, like fall or throw up. When I had successfully suppressed those urges, I took a step, and then another. I felt insecure, like I'd had too many drinks even though I was perfectly sober. But I was walking. I might make it home – if only I knew the way…

"Forget it, man," Nora's voice said behind me. "No way are you going to make it to the Tipton." I would have contradicted her, but I knew she was right and I also knew that it was obvious. So I turned around – slowly and carefully.

But before I could even ask, she had already said "I'll give you a lift," and rushed forward to take my arm and guide me the few yards back to her car. This bothered me a little, but I was also grateful for the support because my legs were still not very happy with having to carry my weight.


	9. Chapter 9

Oh, no. It's been like, forever. I'm genuinely sorry. I had block. Like, REALLY bad block that affected ALL my stories and I just couldn't write anything. Not even essays for school!

I started drawing and painting and designing and making music to compensate until finally, a couple of weeks ago, I reread all of my old works and found myself falling back into love with them.

I now know how the story is going to go from this point to the end, I know all the characters and I'm hoping my muse won't drop me again. I'm baking her cookies every friday so she'll stay with me.

Anyway, if anybody still reads this after so much silence, I'll owe you forever.

I'll also love you more than you'd think.

Greetings, Cocoalata

**********************************ZPOV***********************************

The first thing Nora did after helping me in the car was to give me a big green supermarket-style plastic bag. She had to say no more. I accepted it with a distinct sense of relief but was still pretty determined to hold what could be held inside by all means.

Nora's car was small but nice and warm. There were stickers all over the dashboard, proclaiming things like "I heart Nerds", "The Shallow End of the Gene Pool" and "Save Water; Shower with a friend!". She also had two key ring stuffed animals dangling from the ceiling, one white bird and one that looked like a sheep, but might also have been a bear.

There was music playing, just a little louder than the hum of the motor. At first, I didn't pay any attention to it, but the mellow tune soothed and calmed me nevertheless, and after a while, I caught myself actually listening.

It was not like anything I had ever consciously listened to. There was no beat; at times, I could barely make out a melody. Seemingly random notes were seeping in and out of focus, forming momentary bonds that dissolved within the blink of an eye. They appeared to be floating, with no goal and no coherence, yet together they created something complete and beautiful.

Every now and then, a soft male voice would drift along, sometimes singing, sometimes just humming. It was in perfect harmony with the music, sounding so much like just another instrument that it was hard to focus on the lyrics.

When the second track ended, I decided to ask. „Who's he?"

„Who? ", asked Nora with her gaze locked onto the street.

„The singer." I said, feeling lazy and sleepy and inexplicably happy. "I don't think I've ever heard him before. What's his name?"

Nora smiled; she was prettier in profile. "Elliott Brown; you wouldn't know him. He doesn't sell his music."

"Why not?"

She chuckled. "Because he's a chicken-ass, that's why. It took near super-human persuasion skills to even get this single CD out of him, and he insists I owe him royally."

"Huh." I said. I couldn't understand why this Fred kid didn't want people listening to his tracks. If I had a talent like that, I knew for sure I would be eager to show it off. "So he's a friend of yours?"

"My brother", Nora said. "My little brother."

"I have a brother, too", I told her. "We're twins. You'd like him; He's a nerd." I paused. "You know, I never knew girls liked nerds."

"Saw my sticker, huh?" She chuckled again. The sound was warm and comforting and I wanted her to keep making it. „Well, I do."

After that, we didn't say anything else for several minutes. Instead, we sat in silence, but it wasn't uncomfortable at all. When Nora spoke again, she was addressing a completely different topic.

"Where are you from?"

I frowned. "Uh, Boston. Why do you ask?"

"Well, didn't you say you were staying at the Tipton?"

"Oh, right. No, not staying. I live there." Naturally, she looked a little sceptical, so I explained about my Mom being the hotel singer and us living in a suite together.

When I was done, her scepticism had turned to genuine awe. "Wow, now I'm jealous. Must be cool, living in a five star hotel."

"Yeah… it's pretty _suite_", I admitted, smiling cockily. "Well, partly. Sometimes, it's just hell, being perched together on 400 feet square and total strangers for neighbours."

Nora nodded understandingly. "How old are you, anyway?"

"I'm sixteen. Turning seventeen in fall. And you?"

"Eightteen."

"So you're in college?"

"Yup. Art history. - Is there a parking area around?"

Her assumedly random change of topic had me confused for a minute until I realized that we were actually on the street leading to the Tipton Hotel. Somehow I hadn't even noticed our surroundings becoming familiar.

"Yeah, but it's always cramped. Anyway, I'm feeling lots better. If you could just let me hop out somewhere around here, that'd be fine." On second thought, I added: "More than fine, actually. I totally owe you."

Nora didn't so much as take notice of that last statement. Instead, she eyed me doubtfully. "Are you sure? I don't feel good dropping you out here."

"No, really, it's cool. I bet my family are already waiting in the foyer…" My nausea returned at the thought of facing them.

Nora gave me a sympathetic look. "Well, good luck with that", she said. "I need to get going, so I'll just believe you. Take care, though; I wouldn't want my efforts wasted by you tripping on the way to the front door!"

"You got it." I put on my best grin, because it was all I could give her.

Carefully, Nora wriggled her little car as close to the front doors as possible so I'd have only a couple yards to walk. A little hesitantly, I got out of the car. The world was no longer shaking, so I was positive I could make it inside. Yet somehow I kept holding on to the door as though that way, I could keep her from driving away and leaving me here alone to deal with my angry family.

"Well, bye then. And… thanks again."

It didn't seem enough. I briefly considered asking for her number so I could invite her for coffee, return the favor, express my gratitude, but mostly – weird as that was – because I didn't want to walk away and never see her again. Frankly, I didn't just want to ask her to give me her number. I wanted to ask her to be my friend.

And while I stood there contemplating, the moment passed, and with a last megawatt smile, Nora said: "Bye, Zack. Get well soon."

Feeling like a total idiot, I shut the door, stepped back warily, and waved, waiting for her to take off. She didn't, though; she was watching me, motioning for me to go. I mirrored her motion. For a second, we just stared at each other. A car honked.

Then Nora laughed, and even though I couldn't hear a sound, the view of it gave me the courage to reach out and yank the car door back open.

"Would you –" A second horn sounded, and then another. Several taxis were blocking the street behind us, waiting to drop their passengers. I panicked.

And then, an idea hit me. I felt around my pockets frantically, found my cell phone, and dropped it on the driver's seat.

"Keep it turned on; I'll call you!"

If she said anything, her words were swallowed by the angry chorus of several horns that erupted right then. I slammed the door shut once more, almost tripped over my own feet stepping back, and then gave Nora a super-dorky thumbs-up before turning around and making my way to the revolving door.

********************************CPOV***********************************

"Ugh, Cody, just chill already!"

I looked up from my – expectedly – lifeless cell phone display to aim a perfectly pointed glare at London, who was posing gracefully on a couch in the center of the hotel lounge. She lifted one eyebrow.

"What? Your stupid pacing is making me dizzy!"

I took a deep, shaky breath and marched over until I towered over her. "My brother is out on the streets, alone, in the dark, and I haven't heard from him in hours. Anything could happen to him – anything could have happened already – and I have no idea what to do, but I sure as hell will not _chill_!"

London lifted her other eyebrow, shrugged, and, while inspecting her pink fingernails, said: "OK then, but don't come crying to me when you get AIDS!"

"Uh, pacing won't give me AIDS." I frowned.

"No, but sleeping outside and eating out of trash cans because Daddy kicked you out of the hotel will!"

Automatically, I opened my mouth to tell her that wasn't how you got AIDS, but since she did make a valid point about kicking me out, I decided to let it go. Instead, I forced myself to sit in the second sofa, close my eyes, and try to calm down.

It was not exactly easy. Contradictory emotions were having a tug-of-war for my attention. I felt guilty for being the reason behind Zack's frustration that had made him run off; the feeling wouldn't go away no matter how often I reassured myself that it wasn't my fault that Zack loved me, that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.

However it was soon outweighed by white hot anger at Zack, anger at his stupidity, his pride, his egotism, and this entire mega-crappy situation that was messing with both our lives.

Right about then, anxiety returned full force and I immediately felt guilty again for being angry at my twin and went back to imagining in detail all the nasty things that might be happening to him.

"He's going to be fine, you know." London's voice was soft and almost compassionate. I snapped out of a very vivid and terrifying clip of Zack being raped by skinheads and looked at her in utter surprise.

"Wow… Thanks, London!"

She smiled. "Yeah, I mean – he's a boy, he's poor, and he's unattractive. No one would want to kidnap him."

I gasped in irritation and was just about to yell away at her no matter what her Daddy could or could not do to me, but in that instant, I caught a glimpse of blonde hair moving swiftly through the lobby behind her.

A wave of relief flooded my mind and heart. Within a blink of an eye, I had leapt up from the sofa, run over to where my brother was unsuccessfully trying to hide behind a vase, and hugged him so hard he gave a pained moan; I backed away from him and looked him up and down, relief turning partially into worry.

He was seriously not looking good. The skin on his arms was scratched and had big bluish marks. His pants were torn at the knees and now that I examined him more closely, he seemed pretty shaky.

"What-" I began to ask. Then, my eyes zapped back to his face and I noticed the distinctly defiant expression on it. That's when I finally remembered how mad I was at him for having me waiting down here for hours without so much as a sign of life.

I put on a stern and cold face. "I am so angry at you that if I were a wound, _you wouldn't be sleeping tonight_!" My make-pretend calm was slipping and I quickly took a breath, trying to restore it. "In fact, I'm not even talking to you. You just wait until Mom gets her hands on you."

He made a face but didn't speak; instead he started limping toward the elevators. I followed for a few painfully slow paces, then I couldn't stand it any longer and wordlessly draped his arm around my shoulder to support him.

"Thanks", He said.

"Oh, shut up", I answered.

What do you think Carey's gonna do? What is Nora's part gonna be? Will Cody fall in love with Zack? Will Elliott ever sing on stage? Will there be a big old pie party in Mr. Moseby's kitchen? Well, you'll never know unless you stay tuned – let's all just keep our fingers crossed so it won't take me another year to write the next chapter!


	10. Chapter 10

Thank you for the kind comments, and here's another chapter especially for you!

I do not know how I filled the space with only two scenes, but whatever ^^

The next chapter might take a while, because I'm participating in an exchange program and I'm leaving this week. To… the USA! Finally! AND I'll get to stay in New York for an extra week, too! YAY! *London-like hop-and-clap-fit*

I mean, isn't it weird that I've been writing about people in the USA for ages but I've never been there? That's been tough about writing this story - I really don't know what high schools are like at all and whenever I'm writing a school scene, I just cross my fingers and hope I'm not writing crap ^^ So this trip might actually improve the quality of my work!

Either way, I hope you'll enjoy chapter 10 – in which Cody makes a tiny, dramatic decision and Zack is positively surprised.

:)

*********************************CPOV*********************************

Zack was a very annoying person to support. Even with my arm around him, he seemed determined not to accept my help, struggling as hard as he could while hardly even putting any weight on me. His face was set in a straight, concentrated expression, but when I snuck a glance at him in the elevator door, I could have sworn he was smiling.

_Oh, smile while you can, moron, _I thought grimly. _You sure as hell won't be after Mom's done with you._

Sure enough, when we entered the suite, Mom reminded me of a chameleon. Within a heartbeat, her expression changed from desperate to disbelieving to hopeful to relieved to angry before it finally settled on that cold, stern look she always put on when she was really, really pissed.

"Cody, go to your room," She said in the matching voice. "And shut the door."

I obeyed immediately. While walking, I looked back at my brother, who was still standing in the middle of the room looking like he was about to attend his own funeral. Which, in a way, he was. Smirking, I pulled the door shut and sat down on my bed.

For several minutes, I battled with the desire to eavesdrop; then, I decided to stay where I was, figuring that since Mom would start yelling sooner or later anyway, it just wasn't worth the effort.

So I slumped back into my pillows and allowed myself to relax. I breathed in and revelled in the relief of knowing that Zack was okay; that for the moment, fear and worry were overcome. Smiling, I let my gaze wander through the room – until it came to rest on the small, crumpled piece of paper looking out from under my nightlight.

Immediately, the smile dropped from my face. I stared at the paper for a moment, and then I sighed and picked it up. The numbers were slightly blurry because my hands had been sweaty when I'd clutched the paper inside my pocket all the way back from the park. It didn't matter, because I knew them by heart.

**617**** 570 4479**

How many times had I wanted to dial those digits during the past few days… Just as many times as I had decided that there was no way on earth I could do it. Not with the current situation being as it was. No matter how mad I was at Zack, I knew I could never betray him like that.

I remembered what he had said earlier that evening, before all the drama had started. _You don't _have_ a love life. You're _unable_ to get a girlfriend on your own… _Somewhere inside me, I felt a familiar sting, but I willed it to stop. After all, I knew Zack hadn't been serious. How could he be, now? He had simply been trying to tease me into calling Sydney. That much was obvious. The part I just didn't get was _why_.

Actually, there were a lot of _why's_ that I didn't have an answer for. Why Zack? Why me? Why did it have to be my life that was so messed up and just plain weird? Why did life have to be so very unfair?

I sighed again and resolutely crumpled the paper in my hand. Then, I got up, walked over to our tiny window, opened it, and dropped Sydney's number into the night.

I watched it float down, fluttering in the wind, and when I couldn't see it anymore, I imagined it passing by window after window after window. And each window held a snapshot, a moment of a different story. There were people, living, breathing people, with hopes and feelings, worries and countless memories, and they were probably asking themselves the very same question.

Twenty-one parallel universes lay below me that I would never even know, and yet the sense of there presence calmed my anxiety, my desperation and my childish demand for an explanation. Fate, I realized, didn't explain itself. Things just happened as they did, and all that we could choose was to surrender, resist, or embrace.

When I returned to sit on my bed, I left the window open.

***********************************ZPOV***********************************

When Cody disappeared into our room, with an expression that I thought was way too smug, Mom was still standing in the kitchen area, motion- and expressionless. It was the calm before the storm. I took a deep breath, looked down on my shoes and braced myself for what was probably going to be the rant of the year.

No whining today, I told myself. Whatever she said, I would take it; whatever punishment she gave me, I wouldn't complain because I knew I completely deserved it for scaring her – and Cody – the way I had. For a split second, I felt a sense of pride at this new-found maturity, but I guiltily pushed it down as far as it would go.

When Mom finally spoke, she caught me by surprise.

"Oh, Honey," She said in a voice so soaked with emotion it could have been in a three-star soap opera, and within the blink of an eye she had crossed the space between us and was hugging me tightly.

I didn't quite understand what was happening, but so far, this was going way better than I'd expected. Hesitantly, I placed my hands on her back and gave her a little rub. Eventually Mom let go of me and sat on the sofa, motioning for me to mirror her. I did.

Some part of me was still on guard, waiting for the yelling and the guilt trip and the punishment – or at least some tears. But she just looked at me for several long, confusing minutes. Then, she gave me a smile and said "I'm sorry, honey."

I stared at her blankly. This was definitely not something I'd expected. Frankly, I didn't even know what she was apologizing for. As if she had read my thoughts she went on:

"I should not have made that stupid comment on your love life. It was absolutely inappropriate and I want you to know I'm genuinely sorry." Oh, right. Now I remember.

"_Stop it right now, Zack! Cody's right. Plus, your… love life is not too busy, is it, so maybe you shouldn't be handing out advice!"_

Well, hell _yeah_ that had been inappropriate! In fact, I could feel some of the anger from before returning, but the apologetic look on my mother's face was so sincere that it was impossible not to forgive her.

"That's okay," I said, "You didn't mean to hurt me."

She shook her head. "No," She said, "I really didn't. But that's not what I'm trying to say. My point is that it's actually none of my business. I mean, you're sixteen, almost seventeen now. It's a little hard for me to remember that sometimes, but I need to learn to give you some space and respect your privacy."

She smiled, then narrowed her brows and hastily added: "As long as you're not sleeping with anyone, that is, because before you do that, the two of us will need to have that talk your father never quite could get the guts to initiate."

I winced. "I promise there's absolutely no hurry, Mom."

"Uh-huh…" She gave me a look that told me just exactly how much she didn't believe me and I couldn't help but chuckle.

This amazed me. I realized that the last couple weeks, I hadn't laughed nearly enough. I had constantly felt angry, betrayed, and bitter. And now here I was laughing at how, out of all the lies I had told my Mom recently, this simple truth could only sound like the most obvious lie of all to her. Something had taken the bitterness away, and I couldn't say I didn't like it.

Mom, of course, interpreted my chuckle the only way she could. She wriggled her finger at me, but her eyes were smiling.

"Well, I'm glad you seem to be feeling better," She said. "Even though it's hard to believe from the looks of you…" Shaking her head, she let her gaze wander over my injuries, not amused, but not too shocked either. She'd seen me look way worse.

I was already beginning to hope that I might get away with this whole thing when…

"Sweetie, even though I swear I won't nag you, you know you can still come to me with anything, right? Remember that. I'm your Mom, and I will always be here to love and support you no matter what happens or what you come to be."

_She knows!_

The thought flashed through my mind like a lightning bolt, surprising, shocking and no doubt tugging some thunder. I stared at her in shock. How could she know? We'd done everything! .. Well, actually, we'd done nothing, which was everything we could do in order to keep the secret. So how the _hell _could she possibly know?

My Mom frowned and pursed her lips. "Too much? … Yeah, I figured it might be…"

I must have looked like a fricking frightened guinea-pig, because she laughed and reached behind her back to hand me a book. _"The kids are all right – How to raise a son." _My eyes widened. I recognized this book; it had been on her shelf for about as long as I could remember.

"Well, I would have thrown that out years ago, but I just didn't think you'd ever read it!"

Mom laughed again. "Me neither. But today, I just thought to myself 'What the hey?'". She shrugged. "It turns out it's actually really good. Yeah, I now know exactly where I've gone wrong with you boys!"

She grinned widely while I tried to frown and raise my eyebrows at the same time. "Well, that's… wonderful!"

Obviously, she did not get the sarcasm. "I know! I'm telling you, this book is going to change your lives. It's really fun!"

"Yeah," I said, "I bet it's just fantastic to learn how much more screwed up your kids could have turned out if only you'd made a few more mistakes?"

"Oh, yes, that too," She said, taking the book back. "But mostly, it's fun because it has this little personality quiz you need to have your kid fill out. It really gives you a chance to put aside all your assumptions, get some perspective, and figure out exactly what their individual needs are."

"Umm… Then shouldn't we take the quiz first?" I asked, slightly confused. Mom waved dismissively.

"Oh come on, honey, let's face it: I'm your _Mom_. I know better."

I blinked a couple of times, but decided to let this one go. Mostly because I didn't know how to answer without giving away my biggest secret.

"Anyway," She continued, "Based on your answers, you have been identified as a Player." She flipped around a little before holding the book out to me again. The page featured a black-and-white sketch of a boy with a baseball hat, shoulder length hair, a band t-shirt, baggy pants, a skateboard under one arm and a basketball under the other.

The scary thing was, he looked a lot like a cartoonified version of me.

"The Player," It said below the picture, "Is the character found most often in high schools today. As opposed to the Nerd and the Rebel, he likes to go with the crowd and puts a great amount of time, money and effort into becoming and remaining a part of the group. Therefore, he is an easier target to peer pressure. If unprepared and unwatched, he may feel forced to do things which endanger his well-being and/or seemingly contradict common sense; however, impossible as it may sometimes seem, if you just follow the advice on the following pages, your favorite Player is most likely to grow out of the wildest phase and find his place in the adult world without much difficulty."

"Umm," I said, at loss for any better comment. "Good to know."

Mom beamed at me. "You have no idea how relieved I am. And here I was thinking you'd turn out to be a complete failure! You see -"

I tuned her out as she started talking away in a cheery voice, not needing to hear about this. I was much more interested in what Mom's book of magic had in store for Cody, and I felt I had a pretty good idea which type he was.

Reading the characterization of the Nerd, I found myself chuckling again, which alerted Mom to what I was doing. She took the book from my hands and put it down on the sofa again. Smiling, she extended her arms to give me a hug. I quickly backed away and held up my hands in a defensive gesture.

"Oh, right," She said apologetically and instead settled on ruffling my hair. I immediately felt a desperate desire to reach up and fix the mess, but she kept looking at me intensely. Then, just when it was becoming very, very weird, she said:

"I love you, Zack."

And no matter how hard I'd been trying to be a big boy, and even though I would rather have swallowed a hedgehog than admit it, her words made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside just like the pathetic little momma's boy that I really was.

I hope you liked this chapter and are looking forward to the next as much as I am! :)


	11. Chapter 11

Wow… This story has absolutely nothing to do with the one I originally intended to write anymore.

I must have redeveloped the entire plot like, ten times or so, and somehow I was never quite happy with it. So I kept postponing the next chapter, putting other projects first.

Then one day, I was riding on the bus and it just hit me.

That night, I made some really big adjustments and got rid of about half the storyline that turned out to be pretty much useless anyway… and now I can honestly say that I finally have a good feeling about this story again. :)

Let's keep our fingers crossed that this is it, that final change that I've been waiting for.

Relieved and inspired,

Cocoalata

***********************************CPOV***********************************

"I really don't want to go, Mom", I said resolutely, but without much hope of being heard.

"I really don't care", Mom replied just as resolutely, "This is for your own good. You'll thank me later."

I mumbled something along the lines of "How much later?" but Mom just opened the door to room 15 and gently pushed me inside.

And there I stood in the frame, feeling very exposed as eleven heads turned to face me.

My nervousness only increased when I noticed the strange humming noise that filled the room. Also, I realized that that though all heads were turned toward the door, everybody had their eyes firmly closed.

Before I could get my senses together, slip around Mom and run like I was being followed by a giant blue spider, a tiny old man with an impressive hooknose and dark, weathered skin rose from his patchwork pillow on the ground and walked toward me.

He was wearing an obviously custom-tailored suit that made him look like he should have led a business seminar of some sort, not a spiritual drumming class. His steps made almost no sound on the linoleum floor and he didn't say a word, but his smile was wide, warm and stunningly eloquent, telling me that I was welcome, that they were happy I was here, that I would certainly feel at home here in no time at all and that he loved me.

Truth be told, it didn't feel half as creepy as it should have when he took my hand in his, still never so much as even looking at my mother who was still standing awkwardly in the doorway, and led me toward the humming teenagers whose torsos were now gently swaying back and forth.

In lack of a spare pillow, he took off his jacket – he wore nothing underneath – put it on the floor right next to his own seat, closed his eyes and went back to humming with the rest of them, not checking whether I sat down or not.

I stared at my mother in utter confusion, but she was no help at all. Planting a big but slightly off smile on her face, she waved and closed the door as quietly as she could.

It made a pretty big noise.

That very moment, everybody's eyes snapped open and laughter suddenly rang in the air around us as the kids scrambled to their feet.

"Hi, stranger!" A pretty girl with almond eyes and nappy hair grinned at me, offering a high five which I accepted too late and with way too little commitment since I was kind of overwhelmed by the sudden exposure of near normality. "I'm Kim!", she continued, "Sorry about that. We just like to creep out newcomers, especially when they bring their parents… You should have seen your aura! All tangled and brownish… It was priceless!"

"I bet it was", I said, trying not to sound annoyed or let her know via voice that talking about auras, however tangled and brownish, caused me to think that she was most likely a total freak.

Before Kim could elaborate, the group leader was next to me, giving me an excuse to turn away from her without being impolite.

"Welcome, Cody", He greeted me, repeating what his eyes had already told me; "My name is Mr. Nayati. We are all so happy you're finally here! Judging from your aura, you're still a little confused, but you will certainly feel at home here in no time at all."

_Okay, now it's starting to get creepy_, I thought while giving him an only slightly fake smile and letting myself be tugged away by Kim. _At least he didn't say…_

"We love you, Cody!"

_Ooookay, _was my usually rather eloquent mind's only comment to that. Meanwhile, my feet picked up a quicker pace in some sort of flight reflex. This caused Kim to let go of my shirt, which I noticed with relief.

The other kids had gathered in one corner of the room where drums of various shapes and sizes were piled up. Some were plain and smooth; others had intricate designs on wood and skin or colourful strips of cloth wrapped around their wooden bases. People were lightly chatting to each other, but there was no fighting whatsoever over who got to have which drum; everyone just picked a random instrument.

Taking a second look at the drums, I noticed a rather small one with a simple brown-and-white geographical pattern. Liking the sense of reassurance that this regularity gave me, I picked it up and carried it back to the seating area.

Thankfully, Mr. Nayati had somehow produced another pillow for me and put his jacket back on, not bothering to dust it off. This time, when I sat down, everybody looked at me and smiled.

Then the boy to Mr. Nayati's right spoke up and introduced himself. He told me that his name was Tim, that he loved popcorn and swimming and came here to relieve stress as well as to get in touch with his true self.

One by one, they all did the same thing, some sharing extra bits of information that were so personal it made me cringe. When Sean, the tall readhead next to me, was finished, it took several long, embarrassing moments of intense staring before I realized they were waiting for me to introduce myself.

"Um," I started off, mentally kicking myself the second I said it. I tried to recall all I knew about public speaking, but my mind felt like putty. "I'm Cody Martin. I'm sixteen, and I'm going to graduate next year." I paused, searching for something interesting to say about myself. "I like… cooking."

When I didn't continue, Mr. Nayati nodded understandingly. "That's nice", He said gently, "But you see, Cody, the purpose of this class is to learn to let yourself go, to become one with the group. In order for us all to dive in and truly become each other, we need to be able to really connect. You must know that we are tighter than family. We would never betray your trust. Everybody here has given you a glimpse of who they are, of what defines them, and we need you to do the same."

He smiled again. "What defines you, Cody? What makes you the person you are? What are your hopes, your fears, your most beautiful dreams?" His smiling brown eyes burned into mine and even though I wanted to, I couldn't look away.

"I… uh, I'm thinking about going into research." I said lamely.

"I see." His smile didn't falter, but it did seem to crumble a little. "That is a noble pursuit. Still, I'm afraid you're not truly opening up to us. Worry not, though; there's probably just a barrier in your mind. Some sort of pressure, perhaps, a secret that keeps you caged…"

_You bet there is_, I thought bitterly but quickly silenced the thought. Not that I actually believed in mind-reading, but one could never be too careful, and after the weird occurrence minutes earlier, I was much less inclined to denying the possibility entirely. And if these super strange people found out about Zack…

"What about your family, Cody?"

I froze instantly. All I could do was stare at this weird old man. He stared back at me, and I felt as though his eyes were searching in my soul, searching for secrets hidden in dark corners, for the core of what was me.

I later couldn't recall getting up, but suddenly I was standing, still staring down at him, held in place by those soft brown eyes.

"Goodbye, Cody", He said, "Blessed Be."

At an utterly surprising speed, I dashed out of the room and down the stairs.

**********************************ZPOV***********************************

"It's official", declared Mom, dropping her keys on the kitchen table. "I am giving up on you. It can't be done."

"Oh", said Cody, "Oh, no!" But behind her back, he grinned widely and mouthed _YES!_

On any other day, this type of behavior would have been my part in this family. The fact that Cody seemed to have adopted it, if only for a moment, evoked my curiosity - so much so that I actually turned off the TV… Granted, there hadn't been anything good on anyway.

"That's pretty harsh", I said in a voice full of fake concern. "What'd he do?"

Before Mom could answer, Cody, who had flung himself on the sofa next to me, made a sound of irritation that was usually to be found only in my personal repertoire. "I didn't do anything!" He cried angrily. "At least I did nothing that any other person with a working brain wouldn't have done!"

I smiled. This speech was somewhat familiar to me by now, what with all the different 'alternative hobbies' Mom had been trying to get him interested in during the past few days. "So you ran again, huh?"

"Yes", He admitted, "But I'm telling you, those people were crazy! Plus, I'm pretty sure that guru's a paedophile."

"What, did he stare at your cleavage?"

"Zack!" Mom glared at me from across the room and I tried my best to look a little sorry, but really, I was feeling rather proud. That comment had come perfectly naturally, no need to think, no hesitation… Just like old times.

Except I'd said it with a smile.

After a moment of silence, Cody continued: "No, but I don't think he's into that. He's too crazy." When he met my gaze, he quickly added, "I mean he was focusing on something even more intimate. It felt like he was trying to rape my soul or something." He shuddered.

With the most solemn expression I could muster, I nodded. "Good thing _you're_ not crazy at all."

He grimaced. "Let's see who's laughing once you're through with _your _program."

At that, my eyes widened in panic and I looked back at Mom to make sure he was just kidding. To my unpleasant surprise, she had her super-sweet-candy-man-smile on display – the one she only ever used when something bad was about to happen.

"Oh, no!" I exclaimed, just like my brother had only seconds ago, except this time, the words were filled with actual dread. "But the book said I'm good! It said I'll turn out a decent human being…"

Mom shrugged. "Eh", She said, "Who cares. I read another book once, on parenting twins, and it clearly stated that when one twin is required to go through an unpleasant procedure, the other must perform a similarly tiring task."

"You mean, share the misery?"

"It's supposed to help clear up conflicts and tension between the children stemming from their never-ending competition for the parent's love, and you two", she waggled a finger between us, "have just proven a minute ago that there must really be some serious tension here."

Out of the corner of my eyes, I watched Cody closely examine his right hand, avoiding eye contact. _No kidding_, I thought, somewhat amused. _There's tension, alright._ But it didn't have shit to do with Mom's love.

Oblivious to her almost-score, she babbled on about how I needed to find my place in an adults' world, about responsibility and virtue and the like. I zoned out after the first sentence or two, until the words "right now" pulled me out of the comfortable pink bubble that was my happy place. (Yeah, I know, I know, don't judge me!)

"I can't go" I said. It was an automatic response, straight from my subconscious - the result of long years of training.

"What?"

"I can't go to… whatever it is that you were just talking about, I can't go."

"Oh," She said, eying me suspiciously. "And why is that?"

And again, my subconscious was faster than me. "I have a date", I answered without a moment of hesitation. Next to me, Cody lifted his head and looked at me. I ignored him, knowing that in order for this to go over well, I needed to stay focused.

"It's with this girl Nora", I said to my mother's questioning face. "She's really great, but she doesn't live in Boston, so it has to be tonight."

Mom looked at me for a minute as though she were thinking about it; then she shook her head resolutely. "You're still going. If you were Cody, I'd think about it… But you, you're out with a different girl every week. Sorry, buddy, it's just nothing special - and this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!"

"But it_ is_ special!" I protested. "_She _is! Mom, you don't know this girl. She's amazing! She's smart, and sweet, and kind, and… and… and she has my phone." I ended a little lamely when I realized that, barely even knowing her, there was really not much more I could say about Nora. So I just added "Also, she's really pretty" – to make it more believably 'Zack'.

Mom gave me another long look, but I could tell she wasn't completely convinced yet.

Fortunately, Cody had always been the kind of twin one could count on.

"Mom, Nora's the one who found him last week when he was lost in the streets," He explained, and even though this way of saying it made me come across like a helpless little puppy, I kept quiet, knowing that he had much better chances at winning an argument than I did. Plus, Mom's face was already lighting up. "She saw him fall, performed first aid and then gave him a ride home."

He had to say no more. In spite of everything Mom had told me a minute ago, there was suddenly no way I could let this effort go unrewarded. She even gave me money so I could take Nora out for coffee and instructed me to behave my very best. Only with great effort could I talk her out of tagging along to meet my savior, and even then I still had to promise I would get the girl some flowers.

When I had been sufficiently briefed on how to properly thank a woman, Mom left for her appointment at her favorite hairdresser's, leaving the two of us in a suddenly quiet suite.

"So…" Asked Cody finally, playing with a loose thread of his shirt. "Do you really have a date?"

"Nah."

He nodded, unsurprised. "Well, are you going to call her?"

"Nah."

He nodded again, and we both stared at the – still dead – TV screen, until suddenly -

"I think you should call her," Said Cody.

"I think I'll go call her," Said I.

Maybe twin telepathy really does work sometimes.

*************the end - for now *************

OMG, so happy right now xD

Now, is Nora gonna pick up her phone? Is Cody gonna be jealous? Will the TV suddenly come to life and start serenading "I will always love you" (R.I.P. Whitney)? What do you think?


End file.
